Groundhog Day

Wow, it has been a long time since I have written something on my blog. To be honest, I have thought about posting things several times, but I was worried that everything I posted would come out negative. When I started this blog ten (!!!) years ago, every day was an adventure. I was constantly meeting new people and discovering new places.  My life consisted of sleeping in, taking tours, going to coffee, lunch and wine with friends, and loving every minute. (read a perfect example here). I loved my life and was so content.

Almost six years ago I gave birth to Charlie and my life turned upside down. He is a wonderful child but is very strong willed. In raising Charlie I have had to become assertive, decisive, and confident in my parenting. For someone that likes to go with the flow and hates conflict, this has been an uphill battle and completely against the grain of my personality.

Although there are many great moments with my boys, the reality is that I find motherhood very challenging. My favorite saying is, "Not all who wander are lost." I love to wander through life. Nothing makes me happier than discovering a new neighborhood or coffee shop. Unfortunately, children like schedules and routine which does not work well with wandering. As I have written many, many times in my journal, "I feel like I am constantly living by the clock. I have a deadline related to children at 6am, 7:15am, 7:30am, 9am, 12pm, 1:55pm, 2:05pm, 3pm, 6pm and 7:15pm." As you can see, that doesn't leave a lot of time for wandering.

Because I stay at home, I also feel like the housework never ends. The ironic part of this is that my house is not really even that clean! However, the kitchen never seems to close as we all eat 3 meals a day and then snacks in between. Sometimes I want to cry at the thought of going to the grocery store again and the never ending process of buying, cooking, cleaning, putting away and starting all over again for the next meal. I am not kidding when I say that I feel like being a stay at home mom feels like living in "Groundhog Day."

Now that Charlie is in school from 8-2:30pm every day I can finally understand why people say time flies. Time is not exactly flying by right now, but it is going much faster than when he and I spent every waking minute together. Finally seeing that naps, diapers and bottle do actually come to an end has made me enjoy my time at home with Owen more.

I posted on Facebook about my frustrations with the monotony of the motherhood, asking for some encouragement. My sweet friends wrote many kind and supportive words which helped remind me this time is not forever.

I was also fortunate to listen (for the second time) to a wonderful sermon by Andy Stanley called A Purpose and a Promise (the second sermon in his In The Meantime Series). It was just the perspective I needed to remember that although this seems like a stagnant, repetitive time, God always has a plan. I also know that God is constantly molding me and there will be a purpose to this time, even if I can't see it right now. I love to look back on my life and see how beautifully God has woven people, places and events together in a way that I never could have imagined. It gives me hope and happiness to think that in the distant future He might one day use my time of repetition and frustration in a way that brings Him glory that I never could have imagined.

Now if I can just remember to hold on to that truth when the diapers, laundry and dishes never seem to end.

Hush little baby

Wow, I just had the most amazing God moment.  Owen is at a really hard stage right now.  He is 16 months old and gets into everything, all the time.  If he isn't climbing on the sofa then he is going through the garbage cans and if he isn't doing either of those things then he is taking everything out of all the cabinets.  I can not take my eyes off him for even one minute or there is total destruction.  He has also been very clingy recently which means that he constantly wants to be in my arms or under my feet all day.  The two hour nap he takes is the only free time I have to sit down and be by myself all day.

I am always worn out by the end of the week and today (Friday) is no different.  By 9am I was already counting down the hours until Kyle arrived home.  This morning I put Owen down for his nap and he immediately started fighting it.  I left him in the crib and he was loudly protesting it the whole time, in a cry that I knew meant he wasn't going to go to sleep.  During that time I prayed for endurance and for the Holy Spirit to fill me peace and acceptance as I tried to get through the day. After 15 minutes of full on screaming and some tears on my part, I finally accepted the fact that there was no chance Owen was going to take a nap this morning.  I could only hope that he would take one this afternoon (and that I would survive until then).  Begrudgingly, I went to get him up.  I put my foot on the bottom stair and let out a deep sigh and all of the sudden there was complete silence. I held my breath and couldn't believe it and then I just had to smile.  I could feel God giving me a little wink as silence fell over the house and relief washed over me.  I have a new spring in my step and I am joyfully praising the Lord as I enjoy the next two hours with a sleeping child!

A parent's love is God's love

I was inspired and moved by the Momastery post Little Drummer Girl. I echo her sentiment that it has only been through having a child of my own that I have gained a better understanding of my relationship with God. To realize that the love I feel for Charlie and Owen is only a fraction of the love God has for me is humbling and overwhelming.

Earlier this year, I was reminded of how God must often feel feel with me -- Charlie was running around the room like crazy being a typical three year old.  All I wanted was for him to sit with me and give me a hug.  But he never had the time.  He wasn't doing anything important, in fact he was literally running in circles just for the fun of it. All I craved for was a moment of his time, and yet he would never slow down to give me a hug.  It made me think of how often the only prayer I will say in a day is a blessing before a meal, which takes 10 seconds and it just something I have memorized.  How often God must feel like I did with Charlie, craving for just a moment of his childs time and yet she won't slow down for Him for even a minute.

Another reminder of God's great love comes to me when I hear Owen's cry. Sometimes I will put Owen down for a nap and forget to turn the monitor on.  And yet when he wakes up, no matter if Charlie is making noise or if the radio is on, I can hear his cry.  If someone else is with me at the house, I always hear his cry long before they do.  A parent is wired to hear their child's cry, even if no one else does.  In the same way, God hears our cries long before anyone else does.  However, sometimes I hear Owen's cries and still leave him in his crib.  It is not because I don't love him, but only because I know his schedule and his sleep cycles. I know that if he wakes up too early from a nap that I need to let him cry and he will go back to sleep. I sometimes have to go in another room when I am letting him cry it out because it hurts my heart so much. But I know what is best for him, even if it brings temporary discomfort to both of us.  I have to remind myself of this when I feel in pain and wonder where God is in my life.  Perhaps he is in pain hearing my cries, but he knows what is best for me.

The third lesson I have learned about God from being a parent is just how much more a parent knows than a child does.  So often, Charlie will ask me something and I can not even begin to explain it to him.  In my own mind I understand it, but Charlie has such a limited amount of knowledge that it is impossible to explain certain things.  I often think of that when I don't understand God's plan.  If I am to God what Charlie is to me then it is no wonder that I can only understand a small fraction of God's great plan. 

When I can remember all of these things -- that God wants to spend time with me, that He hears my cries, and that he is my loving parent, I can rest in the grace and peace that He has provided, knowing that he will care for me and and love me, just as I love my own children.

Myers Briggs

I have recently been reading Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey. The book goes into great detail about the 16 different personality types that the Myers Briggs test has defined. I am fascinated by peoples personality's -- by learning more about them, I feel like I have a secret tool that helps me to better relate, understand, and work with other people.

I found out about this book because I was once complaining to my counselor that I always feel misunderstood. Throughout my life, people have always given me that look of, "I think I get what you are trying to say, but I am not exactly sure." One of the reasons I love Kyle so much is that he really does translate Emilyese into everyday English for other people.

My counselor explained that the population is made up of four different Myers Briggs letter combinations. These are the percentages of the population that are each group:
40% SJ
40% SP
10% NT
10% NF

I am an ENFP and am only 10% of the population. The NTs are also only 10% but they don't really care that they are different from everyone else (they are interested in Sciences, Technology and Systems -- think of the stereotypical Georgia Tech grad with a pen protector).

I am very intuitive so not only do I notice the small facial expressions that people give when they don't understand what I am talking about, but the fact that I am different really bothers me too.

As I was reading more about my personality, I felt like the author must be living in my brain.

Some aspects that are verbatim from the book and felt like they were written just for me:
--I hate disagreements and disputes set me on edge

--I am concerned with others feelings of self worth

--I am a keen and penetrating observer of the people around me

--"While they are apt to be passionate in pursuit of their beliefs, they can also appear to be intellectual and emotional butterflies, flitting from idea to idea, from person to person, or from cause to cause, dilettantes in their pursuit of meaning and authenticity." p. 134

--"They, more than any other type, go through life feeling misunderstood, unknown, mistaken for the roles they are forced to play by social reality." p. 145

--I wander. In fact, the saying I have adopted for my life is, "Not all who wander are lost." I laugh whenever I hear about people making a plan for the trajectory of their life. I am sure it works well for them but I would not do well with something like that. I never would have put Live in Brussels or Move Back to Atlanta on my trajectory but they sure have turned out to be wonderful experiences that fell into my lap. I am a firm believer that God has a wonderful plan for me life. I just need to float along and keep doing what I am doing and He will open the doors and gently nudge me where I need to go.

And the point that has helped me the most is, "NFs cannot not be personal." It is impossible for me to have a conversation about business or politics. (This is especially ironic considering my husband's job). No matter what a discussion is about, I will eventually bring it back to a personal exchange, an interpersonal relationship or something that has to do with people.

But my absolute favorite thing that I have learned about myself is that I am, "largely disinterested in such things as domestic maintenance, savings accounts, life insurance and even read cash." Now I don't have to feel bad for having such a dirty house -- it is just part of my personality!

Too cute

Owen is three months old now and still as sweet as ever. He barely cries and seems to always be happy. He basically slept the first three months of his life and now he is finally waking up a bit. He is great about sleeping through the night and then just takes small naps throughout the day
.

Owen is my little kangaroo. He loves to hang out in my sling and pal around with me throughout the day. I just ordered a ring sling as well and am excited to try it out. Kyle always laughs at me when I am a little bit Buckhead and a little bit granola.

Another "Mini-Me" for Kyle. Who knew those Wingfield genes were so strong???

It has been over two years since my last blog post and I have definitely missed this part of my life. I still think that maintaining a blog was one of the best things I did during my time abroad. Since I have been back in Atlanta, there have been so many times that I have written a blog post in my mind. However, I can't get on the computer without Charlie noticing and pulling constantly at my hands, so my computer time has become very limited.

I realize that I basically fell off the face of the earth after we moved back. Kyle and I both kept meaning to write our friends, but life was busy. And and then days turned into weeks, then months, and here we are nearly two years later. Part of the problem was that so much happened upon our return that it was overwhelming to even think about how to write an update. However, life has finally calmed down and I think that it is time.

Our update in a very small nutshell would be this:
Kyle got a job with the AJC as their conservative columnist. We bought a house just hours before it was to be foreclosed upon and auctioned on the courthouse steps. I served as the general contractor and found people to refinish the hardwoods, paint the whole interior of the house, consult about the chimney, re-tile the kitchen floor, install two HVAC units, perform duct work, paint the kitchen cabinets, and kill several large rodents. All of this was while Charlie was nine months old and being toted around on my hip.

The combination of being a new mother, moving back after almost five years abroad, and buying and fixing up a house proved to be too overwhelming. My brain shut down and I went into a deep depression. I realize that by writing this I am opening up a very private part of my life to the whole world. However, I write this frankly about my depression because I want people to know that they can talk to me about it if they are struggling as well. If you want to get an idea of what depression is like, I highly, highly recommend reading Undercurrents by Martha Manning.

Below is a blog post that I had started writing in April of 2010, eleven months after we had moved back. Those were the most difficult eleven months I have ever lived through. It hurts my heart to read the words and know how broken I felt. Over time I have mended but there will always be a scar on my heart from that time.

A friend that repatriated from Brussels a few years ago told us that it took him and his family a year to re-adjust to life in America. At the time I thought we would never need that much time -- come on, it is the USA, I've lived there for 25 years! However, he was definitely right. On May 2, 2010, we will have been back here for a year. Tonight, as I look back at this past year, I feel teary and fragile just thinking about it. By far, this has been the hardest year of my life. You know how you can have a large scratch on your body that has scabbed over and fallen off, but the new skin is still pink and tender? That tender skin is how my heart feels looking back at this year. There have just been too many dramatic changes for my brain and heart to process. I am now finally feeling a bit like my old self, but still so fragile. I look back at the pace of my previous life compared to my present life: Paris, Venice, chateau, cruise, Istanbul; and now, diaper, food, bottle, poop, babbling. They are each rich in their own ways. I first saw the incredible world and now I see the incredible creation of life. However, they are so dramatically different. Recently I was thinking about how my mind was opened to so many things while in Europe -- people, places, languages, politics, customs. I feel like my brain has become stagnant now. Some evenings I can't even remember what Charlie and I did that day, it is all so repetitive. However, (and by no means am I claiming to predict God's plan) I feel like I am now leading a very boring life, but I have become much more religious. Perhaps God wanted me to finally slow down so that I could focus on Him rather than His world. I love seeing the little things Charlie does -- how he studies a piece of grass or looks up at me in absolute delight when he has figured out something new. I guess this is just the circle of time, a constant ebb and flow, but I am glad to hopefully be heading toward some smooth waters this year.

Luckily, I did finally hit smoother waters. Charlie started a mothers morning out program which gave me a much needed break, we finally stopped doing house projects every weekend, and I started taking some very helpful medicine (which was the largest contributor to lifting me out of my darkness).

Life is great now and I am so happy to be back to my normal self. Our life is busy with friends, family, work, church, school and fun. Hopefully I will be able to update the blog a little more often since we have a second Wingfield boy arriving in February!

Lots of changes, Max, lots of changes*

We have been back in America for over two months now and the title of this blog sums it up best -- there have just been lots of changes between our lives for the past several years and our lives now. It has been a really, really rough time for me. I am trying to process being back in America, living in the city I grew up in (and swore I would never return to), being a mother, turning 30, having my body change after pregnancy, having the adventure of Belgium be over, not having any of my support networks that I had in Brussels and looking for a house -- all happening at the same time.

I am happy to be back, but I am overwhelmed with everything my mind and emotions are trying to process. We closed on a house last week and having that aspect of life nailed down has really helped me to feel more settled.

Surprisingly, neither Kyle or I miss Belgium too much. We definitely miss our friends there, but we don't miss day to day life like we thought we would. We have decided that because we were there four and a half years, we were kind of like those fifth year seniors at college -- a lot of their friends have already left and they end up looking forward to leaving college, rather than wishing college would never end.

I still read my friends blogs in Belgium and love seeing where they have been doing, but I don't envy them like I thought I would. We had an incredible time in Europe and I think we enjoyed it as much as we could and soaked it all in. However, all good things must come to an end and now was our time to go. It is funny to me that when we lived in Belgium and would come back to the USA for visits I would see so many things that I didn't like about the States. I dreaded having to move back and would end up missing Belgium while I was home. However, now that I know I am back for good, I keep seeing more and more things I love about America. Even two months after being back I still get a kick out of things like:
--free refills
--customer service
--Southerners are such friendly people
--it is sunny and warm every single day
--air conditioning
--free water
--patriotism
--drive thrus
--baby changing tables in almost every bathroom
--and of course the best......speaking English everywhere I go!!!

Even though I was comfortable with everyday life in Belgium, there was always a little part of me that was tense -- What if I got in an accident? What if I didn't understand what someone was saying? What if I got hurt and couldn't communicate with the police? I never realized how tense I was until we moved back. I feel like I can finally relax my shoulders and breathe easily. It is amazing how many little unspoken nuances you just know about when you have been born and raised somewhere versus being an outsider and moving into a place.

Charlie has been doing great and hasn't seemed bothered by all of the changes. He is almost six months old and is cute as ever (says the unbiased mom). He is rolling over onto his stomach, but has trouble rolling back, he laughs and smiles a lot and he is always looking around and taking everything in. We have been so fortunate to have so many family nearby. I am actually a little worried that he is going to have "Little Emperor's Syndrome" because he is always the center of attention. At one point on the 4th of July ten of my family members were just sitting around watching him coo. He stayed at the nursery at church on Sunday and afterwards the nursery worker said, "He is used to being held alot, isn't he?" Apparently he would only play while sitting in one of their laps, and not on the floor by himself.

Through all of this, Kyle and I have been reminded that God is so good and that He has such a plan for our lives. It is amazing to look back at all the steps that brought us from living in Belgium to living in Atlanta. If one little thing had not fallen into place, none of this would have happened. Even though it has been a rough time, I know we will come through it all and it will all make sense in years to come.

*The quote is from Dirty Dancing for those of you that don't know it by heart.

I just can't seem to escape having backhoes in front of where I live.

A Family Affair

We have been busy bees introducing Charlie to all of our extended family. I just counted and between Kyle and I we have 45 family members living in Georgia. Thus far we have gotten to catch up with 23 of them and by Saturday that count will be 33. Out of the four possible sides (my mom and dad and Kyle's mom and dad), Charlie is the first grandchild on three of the sides. No wonder he is so popular! I don't have photos of Charlie with everyone, but here are a few sweet ones. We are looking forward to meeting up with everyone that hasn't met Charlie soon!

Hanging out with my Dad

Meeting Kyle's brother Brent and his friend Lydia

Chillin' with my aunt Debbie

At my sister Sarah Kathryn's office, learning tips on how to make the ladies smile. (Check out her business http://www.8at8.com/ )

It was wonderful to see all of our family with Charlie but the sweetest visits have been with Charlie's great-grandmothers. (Unfortunately we forgot the camera on our visit with Kyle's other grandmother, Nanny).

Charlie and my Dad's mom, Moa.

Charlie and Kyle's Dad's mom, Jessie.

Buyer Beware

Everytime we mention that we are looking for a house people say, "Oh, well this is the best time ever to be looking. You are going to get a great deal." Thus far, this has not been our experience. Instead, my friend Susan (who also just bought a house) said it best, "Everyone says it is a buyer's market, but no one seems to have told the sellers that." Perhaps once we get into negotiating then we will be able to find a real bargain, but the list prices seem to be the exact same as they have in previous years. (One complete teardown in Virginia Highland was still listed at $469,000 -- just to tear the house down!)


Kyle's theory on this is that people are willing to accept that they have taken a loss from a stock market investment, but no one wants to think that they have lost money on their house. No one is going to start out listing their house at a low price because everyone still thinks, "Maybe there is some sucker out there that will pay full price for this."


Again, once we get into negotiating we might find the price will change drastically, but for right now, houses are still really expensive.


We have been spending lots of time on a fascinating website. If you are bored, click around on http://www.zillow.com/ You can see what a house is listed for, pictures of it, what they paid in taxes, the school district and so much more. But the best part (and what I hope will help us in negotiating) is that you can see what the person paid when they bought it. We have looked up every house that we have visited and each of them are (on average) listed at $100,000 more than what the owner paid.




Other thoughts as I re-adjust to life here (if you still live in Belgium you might not want to read some of these):

**Customer service is so wonderful. The other day a Target employee just walked up to me and asked if I was finding everything I needed, without me even asking him. I couldn't believe it!

**The U.S. just makes it so darn easy to do things. There have been drop-down changing tables in every place I have been to with Charlie. One even had a Purell dispenser right next to it so I didn't have to leave him on the table to wash my hands. Those tables are very rare in Brussels and resulted in me becoming very good at changing him on my lap, in the car, on a restaurant chair, on the floor of a restaurant and so many other odd places.

**The other day Kyle and I saw two guys almost get into a huge fight in a parking lot. One guy was pulling out of a parking space as the other one came around a corner too fast. They didn't even have an accident, but they both got out of the car and started screaming at each other. Who knows if either of them had a gun in their car. I hate how unsafe I always feel being back in Atlanta. Kyle says I should have felt this unsafe the whole time I was in Brussels too. However, since I didn't/couldn't read the news there, I never knew of any crime. I personally think there was just less crime there too, but he disagrees. Even if there was crime in Belgium, it just seemed to be more tame than it is here -- the worst thing I ever heard happen to someone there was having their purse stolen as they walked down the street. In Atlanta, I am constantly on guard about being carjacked, held up at gunpoint, road rage, robbed, and so many other things. I am constantly scared and it really, really bothers me.

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Throughout our time in Brussels, whenever we mentioned that we were waiting to have kids because we felt like we should be living closer to our families when we had them but that we really liked being expats, we would often get the same response: "This is your life! Don't worry about your family. Do what you want to do and they can come visit you wherever you live." I understand these points, but I have a feeling that anyone who said that just doesn't have family like we do.

While we were busy packing up in Brussels, my mom and dad took a huge task off our list and spent the better part of a month finding us a temporary place to stay. Yes, we could have stayed in a furnished apartment, but instead we are getting to live in a very nice house in a great neighborhood with a park, sidewalks and great restaurants nearby. The owner is trying to sell it so it is partially furnished, but there were still a few things missing to make it feel like "home." Both sets of our parents got together and completely outfitted the house so that we could walk right in and get going with our lives. And they thought of everything from the big stuff to the minutiae. We walked in the door to a fully stocked fridge, our bed made and a room for Charlie all set up (including a changing table with diapers, wipes, a Diaper Genie and a bouncy chair). My Aunt Missy had been taking a suitcase full of our clothes back with her on each of her trips between Brussels and Atlanta (she is a flight attendant) so our closet was even set up with our clothes on hangers! They thought of everything from lightbulbs to toilet paper.

It was so wonderful to come home to such a warm welcome. We have had a great time introducing Charlie to most of our family and can't wait to introduce him to all the rest of the family in the coming weeks. Charlie meeting two of his great-grandmothers was a really neat memory.

Kyle has had last week and this week off, and that has been wonderful. We have filled our time with looking at houses, looking at cars, touring elementary schools, getting cellphones set up and all those other little life things. I have definitely had some moments of culture shock and realizing how much has changed since we left, but I knew that would be part of the deal. (I gave Kyle precise directions to a gas station only to arrive and find out that it is now a Walgreens.)

I still get overwhelmed by all the choices everywhere. My coping mechanism is to stare at the ground as I walk through a store just so that I don't have to take it all in. However, today I got so overwhelmed that I just had to take a picture of the bread aisle at a grocery store. You would think you could just go pick up a loaf of bread, right? But then I had to decide between thin slice, thick slice, extra fiber, extra protein, honey wheat, oatmeal, white, rich in Omega 3, low cholesterol, extra oatmeal, 9 grain, 5 grain, buy one get one free, wheat, and who knows what else. I finally just stuck my hand out and grabbed whatever was in front of me. (In case you what to know what all they can fit on just the front of the package, this is what is listed on the loaf I bought -- Grains & More, 19g of whole grains, Good source of fiber, Hearty multi-grain bread, Double Protein, A blend of wheat and rice protein, 14g of protein in 2 slices, Heart healthy.) No wonder I am so overwhelmed by trying to process all the information! I just want to see white or wheat.

I have had lots of thoughts about being back but I don't have the time or energy to put them all into a nice post, so here they are in bullet form:

*Southerners are so darn nice and I love it.

*I've already gotten my first mosquito bite. I had forgotten how much mosquitos like me and I am now dreading being outside in the summer.

*Although it is nice not to have to bag my own groceries, it really bothers me how many plastic bags get used. The bagger today put three bananas in their own plastic bag and then two greeting cards got their own separate bag as well. I wish I had brought back more of my reusable Carrefour bags. I plan on buying reusable ones here, but they are not as big. As a side note, I once read that a plastic bag on average gets used for 30 minutes and then takes 400 years to decompose in a landfill.

*I love how friendly everyone is.

*It feels crazy to me that even though it is around 75 degrees every day, I still bring a pashmina everywhere I go. But now it is because I have to wear it when I go inside because of the air conditioning and take it off when I go outside.

*I thought I was finally done with a foreign language but the second day we were back I found myself saying, "Do you speak English?" A Spanish speaker had dialed the wrong number and yet again I couldn't communicate with the person on the other end of the line.

*It is wonderful to be back with so many great friends and family. Kyle and I were remembering how lonely and hard it can be to arrive in a city and not know anyone. It has been just wonderful to immediately have dinner plans and parties to attend.

*We went out to breakfast on our first full morning here (The Flying Biscuit). Kyle summed it up perfectly when he said, "I finally feel like I fit in. I am not the oddity and it feels great." We had really adjusted to living in Brussels, but we could never shake the feeling of walking into a place and knowing that we stood out like a sore thumb. In being back, it felt great to just blend in and know that all those unspoken norms were second nature to us and we weren't going to screw up. The chit chat seemed effortless, we didn't try to avoid a conversation with people fearing that we wouldn't know how to communicate, and we just got it. I feel like a conformist saying that I am so happy to know how to behave, but I had never before realized just how many unspoken interactions make a place either feel comfortable or uncomfortable to you.

*You can get a lot of food for not a lot of money. At that same first breakfast we kept saying, "Look at all this food! And it is only $8 per person! I can't believe it!" Although in one way we loved seeing so much food, we were also disgusted by it. I have been saddened by how much obesity there is around here. In the food court we saw two men each drinking a 32 oz drink. I kept thinking of my mom's good point when I was in college -- why do people balk at the idea of drinking that much water but we will happily consume that much Coke or beer in a sitting? On that note, click here for a really good article about how portion sizes have changed over the years. And then take the Portion Distortion quiz. It is really a goal of mine to keep my eating in check upon our return, but the portions are so darn big that even when I think I am doing well to only eat half my meal, in reality I have probably already consumed much more than I needed to.

*Charlie did really well on the plane ride. Having the bassinet and a seat in between us really helped.

When the plane landed Charlie was asleep in my arms. The second I crossed the threshold from the air-conditioned plane to the gangway that was the outside temperature, Charlie's eyes popped open and looked at me like "What is going on? Why is it so hot?" Little does he know, this is just the beginning.

Charlie has slowly but surely gotten over his jet lag. Our first night here his "morning" began at 11pm (because that would have been 5am Brussels time).

I'll leave you with some photos of Charlie on the plane ride over here...

Bits and Bobs

Charlie is becoming a true little man. He poops like clockwork every morning between 7-8am. And then in the afternoon he takes a nap and lets his pacifier hang out the side of his mouth like a cigar.

**********

In the weeks leading up to the move this is basically where Charlie lived. I would feed him and then put him in his bouncy chair while I scurried around getting stuff done. Thank goodness we have an angel for a baby or I don't think we would have been able to do this move.

**********

The move went very well. When we moved from Alabama to Belgium, I had never used professional movers before and I was overseeing the move myself while Kyle was in NYC. The day the packers came was one of the worst days of my life. I was not prepared for just how fast professionals move! We were trying to have things shipped to three different places (Belgium, storage, our parents house) and there were four packers and one of me trying to run around and make sure nothing got sent to the wrong place. This move was a bit easier because everything was going back to the US, but I still wanted to make it as organized as possible to avoid the chaos that happened last time.

The night before the packers came we moved into a hotel. That is the absolute best thing to do so that when the movers come in the morning you are not still trying to strip your bed and figure out where to pack wet towels. I also put post-it notes on anything I could think of. The movers were pretty good about labeling the boxes with the post-it notes. Now, rather than just having a box labeled "Bathroom" I know which box to look for Charlie's medicine versus my contacts.

They took all our stuff down on this lift which is a common way they do it in Belgium (and I guess other cities with lots of apartments). I think the lift guy has the best job in the world -- he gets paid good money and basically presses a button all day.

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One thing I will not miss about our apartment are these stairs!!!

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Charlie is enjoying hotel living.

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Charlie and I have a new favorite hangout. A cute coffee shop? A new bookstore? Nope, it is the laundromat! It is the perfect place -- there is plenty of noise so I don't have to worry if Charlie cries, no one is really paying for an experience (like at a restaurant) so I don't really care if he disturbs anyone, there is a big flat table where I can change him, there are chairs where I can sit to feed him, and I can stay as long as I like and no one will give me a nasty look. And best of all it is free! Here is Charlie hanging out after a diaper change. Today we actually stopped into two separate laundromats for a feed and a diaper change.

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Charlie is already gearing up to be a white trash baby. He likes to be swaddled to go to sleep but he gets really hot like that. So the other day I swaddled him, he fell asleep and then I put him in the stroller to run errands. He woke up while I was in the store and when I picked him up I realized that he didn't have any pants on! It was 55 degree weather and I had made sure to bring a hat for him, but no pants.

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And for a last laugh as we leave Belgium...

I walked by our street today and started to get a little sad. That is, until I saw that they are tearing up our street yet again! The tears dried pretty quickly when I saw the scene below. (That is dirt all the way across the entrance to our street).

After being glad I wasn't having to navigate the stroller around all the construction, I noticed that the workers were all taking a break and drinking Jupiler! (Jupiler is a Belgian beer).

And as if the guy holding the six pack at 3pm on a construction site wasn't enough, the driver of the backhoe was drinking one too! I guess there are no drinking and driving laws when you are only operating a 2000 pound machine.

When I was about 10 years old, my dad and I went out into the ocean while on vacation at the beach. The water was really rough and every time we would dive under a wave, we would come back up just in time to take a deep breath, wipe our eyes, and look up to see another wave cresting and about to break on us. We would dive under again and again only to surface and see yet another wave about to break. I remember being so scared and exhausted but we couldn't get back to the shore because of all the waves pounding on us.

These past four months keep bringing to mind that memory. I feel like a car on the side of the road that has a flat tire and is hobbling to the nearest exit. I am exhausted. Kyle is exhausted. Charlie is an angel but I am sure he must be feeling the stress too. I just want life to be normal and predictable again. Yet, I realize that that will not be happening for at least another six months. I keep telling myself that this is a marathon and I just need to dig deeper and keep on going. But I don't know how much deeper I can dig and I have always hated running.

Charlie ducky, you're the one

My mom was so sweet and got us a Flip video camera. We have loved using it but I haven't had time to really work with the uploading and editing. Once the move is done and I get that figured out, you'll get to see lots of videos! In the meantime, here is a photo taken from the video of him in the bath. He has hit that magical three month mark where he really seems like an interactive baby rather than just a sleeply infant.

Charlie has started to smile often which is just the cutest thing. He has also taken to waking up in the middle of the night even though he used to sleep through the night. I hate waking up at 2am, but when I come in his bedroom and see him just smiling away I can't help but smile too. With all the changes about to happen to him (staying with friends on the day of the move, sleeping in a hotel, flying, jet lag, sleeping in a new place) we are just trying to roll with his sleep/wake times rather than let him cry it out. I guess I'll be seeing a lot of 2am smiles for the next few weeks!

Move on down the road

Right in the middle of planning our wedding, at the height of stress, my sister famously said, "What's so hard about planning a wedding? Don't you just send out invitations and order a few flowers?" It has always been a good reminder to me that you don't know how much work is involved in something until you are in the midst of it yourself.


When Kyle accepted this job 21 days ago I actually thought, "This move won't be hard. Everything we have here needs to go back to the US and the movers will pack us so really there is not much I need to do. Maybe I'll have lunch with friends every day." HA! I am lucky to get half a PBJ as I am running out the door.


So in case you wanted to know just a few of the things that are involved in an international move:

--interviewing moving companies to compare quotes
--taking an inventory of every single thing you have in your house and putting a value on it
--doing any last minute shopping for momentos
--selling all electrical items and anything else you don't want to bring back (which means lots of e-mails and phone calls about pick up and delivery times of things people want to buy)
--selling a car and doing the paperwork to get the car title transfered
--canceling all utilities and subscriptions
--thinking about buying a house back in the US
--cleaning the apartment after the movers are out
--organizing the final walk through with your landlord
--making hotel and plane reservations
--sorting your things as to what you will fly back with and what you can live without for the next 3+ months
--figuring out what to do with the stuff that has been in storage for the last 4 1/2 years --saying goodbye to all your friends


Only six more days until the movers come!