A parent's love is God's love

I was inspired and moved by the Momastery post Little Drummer Girl. I echo her sentiment that it has only been through having a child of my own that I have gained a better understanding of my relationship with God. To realize that the love I feel for Charlie and Owen is only a fraction of the love God has for me is humbling and overwhelming.

Earlier this year, I was reminded of how God must often feel feel with me -- Charlie was running around the room like crazy being a typical three year old.  All I wanted was for him to sit with me and give me a hug.  But he never had the time.  He wasn't doing anything important, in fact he was literally running in circles just for the fun of it. All I craved for was a moment of his time, and yet he would never slow down to give me a hug.  It made me think of how often the only prayer I will say in a day is a blessing before a meal, which takes 10 seconds and it just something I have memorized.  How often God must feel like I did with Charlie, craving for just a moment of his childs time and yet she won't slow down for Him for even a minute.

Another reminder of God's great love comes to me when I hear Owen's cry. Sometimes I will put Owen down for a nap and forget to turn the monitor on.  And yet when he wakes up, no matter if Charlie is making noise or if the radio is on, I can hear his cry.  If someone else is with me at the house, I always hear his cry long before they do.  A parent is wired to hear their child's cry, even if no one else does.  In the same way, God hears our cries long before anyone else does.  However, sometimes I hear Owen's cries and still leave him in his crib.  It is not because I don't love him, but only because I know his schedule and his sleep cycles. I know that if he wakes up too early from a nap that I need to let him cry and he will go back to sleep. I sometimes have to go in another room when I am letting him cry it out because it hurts my heart so much. But I know what is best for him, even if it brings temporary discomfort to both of us.  I have to remind myself of this when I feel in pain and wonder where God is in my life.  Perhaps he is in pain hearing my cries, but he knows what is best for me.

The third lesson I have learned about God from being a parent is just how much more a parent knows than a child does.  So often, Charlie will ask me something and I can not even begin to explain it to him.  In my own mind I understand it, but Charlie has such a limited amount of knowledge that it is impossible to explain certain things.  I often think of that when I don't understand God's plan.  If I am to God what Charlie is to me then it is no wonder that I can only understand a small fraction of God's great plan. 

When I can remember all of these things -- that God wants to spend time with me, that He hears my cries, and that he is my loving parent, I can rest in the grace and peace that He has provided, knowing that he will care for me and and love me, just as I love my own children.

Myers Briggs

I have recently been reading Please Understand Me II by David Keirsey. The book goes into great detail about the 16 different personality types that the Myers Briggs test has defined. I am fascinated by peoples personality's -- by learning more about them, I feel like I have a secret tool that helps me to better relate, understand, and work with other people.

I found out about this book because I was once complaining to my counselor that I always feel misunderstood. Throughout my life, people have always given me that look of, "I think I get what you are trying to say, but I am not exactly sure." One of the reasons I love Kyle so much is that he really does translate Emilyese into everyday English for other people.

My counselor explained that the population is made up of four different Myers Briggs letter combinations. These are the percentages of the population that are each group:
40% SJ
40% SP
10% NT
10% NF

I am an ENFP and am only 10% of the population. The NTs are also only 10% but they don't really care that they are different from everyone else (they are interested in Sciences, Technology and Systems -- think of the stereotypical Georgia Tech grad with a pen protector).

I am very intuitive so not only do I notice the small facial expressions that people give when they don't understand what I am talking about, but the fact that I am different really bothers me too.

As I was reading more about my personality, I felt like the author must be living in my brain.

Some aspects that are verbatim from the book and felt like they were written just for me:
--I hate disagreements and disputes set me on edge

--I am concerned with others feelings of self worth

--I am a keen and penetrating observer of the people around me

--"While they are apt to be passionate in pursuit of their beliefs, they can also appear to be intellectual and emotional butterflies, flitting from idea to idea, from person to person, or from cause to cause, dilettantes in their pursuit of meaning and authenticity." p. 134

--"They, more than any other type, go through life feeling misunderstood, unknown, mistaken for the roles they are forced to play by social reality." p. 145

--I wander. In fact, the saying I have adopted for my life is, "Not all who wander are lost." I laugh whenever I hear about people making a plan for the trajectory of their life. I am sure it works well for them but I would not do well with something like that. I never would have put Live in Brussels or Move Back to Atlanta on my trajectory but they sure have turned out to be wonderful experiences that fell into my lap. I am a firm believer that God has a wonderful plan for me life. I just need to float along and keep doing what I am doing and He will open the doors and gently nudge me where I need to go.

And the point that has helped me the most is, "NFs cannot not be personal." It is impossible for me to have a conversation about business or politics. (This is especially ironic considering my husband's job). No matter what a discussion is about, I will eventually bring it back to a personal exchange, an interpersonal relationship or something that has to do with people.

But my absolute favorite thing that I have learned about myself is that I am, "largely disinterested in such things as domestic maintenance, savings accounts, life insurance and even read cash." Now I don't have to feel bad for having such a dirty house -- it is just part of my personality!

Too cute

Owen is three months old now and still as sweet as ever. He barely cries and seems to always be happy. He basically slept the first three months of his life and now he is finally waking up a bit. He is great about sleeping through the night and then just takes small naps throughout the day
.

Owen is my little kangaroo. He loves to hang out in my sling and pal around with me throughout the day. I just ordered a ring sling as well and am excited to try it out. Kyle always laughs at me when I am a little bit Buckhead and a little bit granola.

Another "Mini-Me" for Kyle. Who knew those Wingfield genes were so strong???