I was inspired and moved by the Momastery post Little Drummer Girl. I echo her sentiment that it has only been through having a child of my own that I have gained a better understanding of my relationship with God. To realize that the love I feel for Charlie and Owen is only a fraction of the love God has for me is humbling and overwhelming.
Earlier this year, I was reminded of how God must often feel feel with me -- Charlie was running around the room like crazy being a typical three year old. All I wanted was for him to sit with me and give me a hug. But he never had the time. He wasn't doing anything important, in fact he was literally running in circles just for the fun of it. All I craved for was a moment of his time, and yet he would never slow down to give me a hug. It made me think of how often the only prayer I will say in a day is a blessing before a meal, which takes 10 seconds and it just something I have memorized. How often God must feel like I did with Charlie, craving for just a moment of his childs time and yet she won't slow down for Him for even a minute.
Another reminder of God's great love comes to me when I hear Owen's cry. Sometimes I will put Owen down for a nap and forget to turn the monitor on. And yet when he wakes up, no matter if Charlie is making noise or if the radio is on, I can hear his cry. If someone else is with me at the house, I always hear his cry long before they do. A parent is wired to hear their child's cry, even if no one else does. In the same way, God hears our cries long before anyone else does. However, sometimes I hear Owen's cries and still leave him in his crib. It is not because I don't love him, but only because I know his schedule and his sleep cycles. I know that if he wakes up too early from a nap that I need to let him cry and he will go back to sleep. I sometimes have to go in another room when I am letting him cry it out because it hurts my heart so much. But I know what is best for him, even if it brings temporary discomfort to both of us. I have to remind myself of this when I feel in pain and wonder where God is in my life. Perhaps he is in pain hearing my cries, but he knows what is best for me.
The third lesson I have learned about God from being a parent is just how much more a parent knows than a child does. So often, Charlie will ask me something and I can not even begin to explain it to him. In my own mind I understand it, but Charlie has such a limited amount of knowledge that it is impossible to explain certain things. I often think of that when I don't understand God's plan. If I am to God what Charlie is to me then it is no wonder that I can only understand a small fraction of God's great plan.
When I can remember all of these things -- that God wants to spend time with me, that He hears my cries, and that he is my loving parent, I can rest in the grace and peace that He has provided, knowing that he will care for me and and love me, just as I love my own children.
