God Bless Our Soldiers

We went to our third Memorial Day celebration here in Belgium again this weekend. In the previous years, we have been to Henri Chapelle and Flanders Fields. This year we went to the Ardennes Cemetery where over 5000 Americans are buried, mostly from WWII. Click here to see my photos from the event.

To really top off the weekend, I watched Saving Private Ryan. The courage and bravery every soldier had was awe inspiring. Click here to read some letters sent home during WWII to get an even better sense of what the soldiers went through. Visiting Normandy has been one of my favorite trips here and I would highly recommend anyone that is over in Europe to make a stop there.

I know many Americans have things they don't like about the US, and many especially don't like the government, but the simple fact that they can voice their opinions and not fear being killed for them is a freedom many other countries don't have. Click here to see what the daily life is like for a mother living in Gaza (including gunshots and explosions going off near her home). Below is an article from the WSJ of an expat that lives in China.

Questions Never Asked

Alan Paul, The Expat Life
April 27, 2007

People often ask me how much I feel the authoritarian arm of the government living in China. The answer is never -- until I do. If that sounds circular or nonsensical, then I'm being clear.
Most foreigners living in China have little sense of government intrusion in their daily lives. You can walk into a lot of hip bars or restaurants filled with beautiful people, great music and pricey drinks and never think for a second about living in an authoritarian nation.

In fact, it's entirely possible to live here for years with virtually no interaction with the state apparatus, wandering a wide avenue within which you can do essentially whatever you please. But if you try to exit that avenue, you get pushed back hard -- and then you either retreat quickly to the center of the road or face some consequences. For foreigners, this could mean a loss of opportunity or business or, at the very worst, being kicked out of the country. For a Chinese national, it could be far worse.

Expats living here with open eyes and ears understand this reality, even if they don't all quite acknowledge it. Every once in a while, something happens that makes you stop and remember where you are and what the system is really like. What drives home the reality is that few people ever want to talk about these incidents, at least publicly or for attribution. No one wants to have his or her name associated with a complaint. Everyone feels they have something to lose and nothing to gain. And so things move along, until the next little flare-up occurs and the whole thing repeats itself.

Earlier this week, the influential New York art rock band Sonic Youth played in Beijing. Carsick Cars, a young Chinese group with a growing reputation, was scheduled to open. After performing their soundcheck, someone from the government showed up to tell the band they couldn't perform.

That may sound like a minor incident, but it -- and what didn't happen afterwards -- goes to the heart of life in modern China. The official reason for the cancellation was that the band hadn't applied for a permit, but that's a technicality that is generally ignored. Carsick Cars is apolitical, and was recently featured in the state-run China Daily newspaper. So what was the real issue? There's a lot of speculation, but it's impossible to be sure -- and no one really wants anyone else to try to find out, for fear that inquiries could get someone in trouble without really solving anything.

The angriest people in the venue may have been Alex Schapiro, a 22-year-old Baltimore native who has been in Beijing a little over a year, and her Chinese boyfriend. They were the only ones to demand a refund, which they eventually got. "Once we realized the band was banned from playing, we tried to create a chant to get people angry or just to react in some way, but it didn't work," she says. "Then I knew I couldn't stay. I realize the action was completely unrealistic in terms of affecting change, but a lot of foreigners come here and fall into passivity and forget what they know about how you are supposed to act and react to things."

I think Ms. Schapiro is largely right -- but also a bit naïve. Many expats living here may become passive, but many have also concluded that Chinese people have a better sense of how to work within this opaque system. A fairly rational cost-benefit analysis may explain why many people were angry during and after the show, but the next day no one with a stake wanted to talk.
After all, what's the upside? There's nothing in it for the band members, all 21- and 22-year-old college students with bright futures, unless they suddenly can't play anywhere. There's nothing in it for the promoter, who wants to keep promoting. There's nothing in it for the friend of the band who helped spread word of this banning. He has his own interests to consider. If Sonic Youth ever want to return to China they'll have to apply for a visa like everyone else. You can't blame anyone for protecting their own interests, but the end result -- as I've seen quite a few times -- is things get swept under the rug.

A few weeks ago, a neighbor told me about friends of theirs facing a horrible dilemma. The expat family was in danger of losing their house in a compound. They had purchased it four years ago, paying cash, but now the person who sold it to them wanted it back. Because the compound was constructed illegally, there are no titles or deeds.

To make a very long, confusing story short and simple, after multiple court cases stretching over more than 30 months, a judge ruled that because the compound is illegal, the sales contract (drawn up by an experienced lawyer) was worthless and they had to give the house back. Whether the approximately $200,000 would be refunded had to be decided in a separate court case. The couple had a strong suspicion that if they left the house -- which they were ordered to do -- they would never see a cent.

The couple provided me with outlines, timelines and documentation, but then the husband said his lawyer advised them not to have their names published. It was just too risky. A Chinese native who'd moved abroad years ago, he accepted that whatever outcome he achieved would be largely based on his lawyer's level of connections, rather than on legal principles or "fairness." His wife, who isn't from China, was agitated. "People think things have changed in China," she says. "But they really haven't."
"Actually, they have changed," her husband insists. "It is much better than when I was young. But there is a long way to go."

The family remained in the house well past their eviction date, though they worried about being harassed, having already felt threatened once when their former landlord came to the house with several men and demanded they leave. Recently they were shocked to actually win a case in the execution court, the only place that can ensure that verdicts from other courts are carried out. The ex-landlord agreed to return the money within five days and they promised to leave in two weeks. The family is looking for a house to rent, but are still nervous about whether the landlord will honor the latest agreement.

I discussed the case with another friend who lives in their compound. He confirmed the basic outline, and then wanted to know why I was interested. "You're not going to write about this, are you?" he asked, concern in his voice. "If you do, don't mention the compound's name."

Jardins d'Annevoie

Today the Free Spirits (part of the Women's Club) took a day trip to some gardens an hour outside of Brussels. Les Jardins d'Annevoie were lovely. To make us all feel better about not owning a chateau, in 2000 the owners had to donate the gardens to a non-profit to open for tours because they were going bankrupt from the maintence of them. It takes around 20 full time gardeners to keep them up. Now aren't you glad you just have a regular sized house and yard?

Click here for the photos.

More Chateaux

The Women's Club visited two chateaux last week and we had a great time. The first was the Freyr Castle which has beautiful gardens. Click on the link to see an arial view. The next chateau was a private one. The family still lives there, so it was really neat to see beautiful old paintings alongside pictures of their grandchildren.

Click here for the photos.

Because I Can

One thing I have loved about being friends with people who span a variety of ages is the fact that I get an idea of some things that will most likely happen later in life. For instance, Kyle and I like to sleep in. I used to feel very guilty that we would have slept in until 10 or 11 a.m. on a Saturday until I talked with my friend Emily Lodge. She has four boys, ages 8, 6, 4, and 2. She said that for the last 8 years and the next 16, she has not and probably will not be able to sleep in because some child will always be at home, awake and needing something. After thinking about it that way, and then knowing so many older women who comment about how sleep eludes them with age, I have never felt bad about sleeping in again!

Although Kyle's and my families are very similar, we have definitely realized a few things they each do differently. My parents never stop going. They wake up and are immediately working on some project, going to visit someone or shuttling things between places. The first time I visited Kyle's parents I was shocked to see his mom sitting on the couch reading a book on a Saturday. I just couldn't believe it! It made perfect sense, but yet I had never seen that done before. By no means do Kyle's parents just sit around all day, it is just that they work on a project and then take a break. Kyle also remembers them always being busy growing up and thinks that the empty nest has helped them to relax a bit.

All this to say, when Kyle and I were first married I remember walking in to the living room and seeing him sitting there just doing a crossword puzzle. Again, I couldn't believe it!
"What are you doing?" I asked.
(Imagine this in Kyle's slow drawl) "Just doing a crossword puzzle."
"Don't you need to be working on a project or calling someone or fixing something? Do you not have a list of things to do???"
"Umm, no. I'm just going to sit here and do this for awhile and then maybe I'll go for a run."

It occurred to me that he really didn't have anything to do. The apartment was in good shape and we were pretty much caught up on everything. So slowly but surely Kyle has taught me to slow down and sit down every once in awhile. Just today I sat on the sofa reading a book while he sat in the chair doing a crossword puzzle. And I thought to enjoy and treasure that moment of pure calmness because I am sure when we have kids they will be few and far between.

Kyle doing a crossword puzzle on a typical Saturday afternoon (when the Dawgs aren't playing).

For Mother's Day

I was in church today and there was a mention about Mary and all that she endured. This reminded me of everything I have been thinking concerning motherhood while in Brussels and I decided to share. Somehow I jumped from the ‘marriage stage’ directly to the ‘baby stage’ in just one 8-hour flight from Atlanta to Brussels. Nearly every person we know over here has at least one child, and is most likely pregnant with the next. Kyle and I feel fortunate to get to see and appreciate the development of each child, but then also be able to go home when the real screaming starts! Through this time spent with the various parents and children, I have become more and more appreciative and in awe of every mother I know.

I had never seemed to notice before the way mothers know their child’s every need and how all of their time and energy is spent devoted to their child, with the occasional uninterrupted bathroom break for themselves. From the pregnancy, which sounds rough, to the actual birth, which sounds REALLY rough, I am just amazed by mothers, and I don’t think they always get enough credit.

Having babysat for many, many years I am always a bit saddened to think that I spend so much time trying to create a meaningful experience for a child which they probably will never remember. For instance, out of all the amazing things my mom did for me growing up, my most vivid childhood memories of her are:
--Letting Brooke Wells and me wear her old pink prom dress to play dress up.
--Helping me to stand on the chair at our Parkside Circle house with a little apron around me and rolling molasses cookies in sugar.
--Making fake tombstones for my seventh-grade Halloween party that we had in our basement.
--Helping me to pick out an outfit for ‘book buying day’ at St. Thomas More when I was in the third grade. I am sure if I were her, I would have just wanted me to hurry up and get ready, but instead she patiently helped me to try on many, many outfits until I found the ‘perfect’ one.
--Carrying that heavy, heavy videocamera on her shoulder so that each and every one of my dance recitals, cheerleading games and pep rallies were recorded.
--Making enough Rotel cheese dip and Rice Krispie treats to feed an army (or just a bunch of hungry teenagers).
--Holding my hand through every braces appointment, oral surgery and eye doctor appointment. (Considering that I have worn glasses since the third grade, wore braces from fourth through ninth grade, then had oral surgeries for two years, that is a lot!)


Just like any young adult, I used to try and fight the idea that I was exactly like my mom. But as I get older it is more and more comforting to be able to call her and she knows exactly what I am thinking and how I am feeling. We tease that my mom has raised two clones of herself with my sister and me. But seeing her values, strong will, nurturing personality, work ethic and love for her family, I am so thankful that she has.

Blogs for All!!!

I recently got a chance to catch up with a friend of mine in the States whom I hadn't spoken with in about 6 months. Of course it was a great conversation from my perspective because we talked about me a lot :) I felt bad that I couldn't ask her more questions, but because of my blog, she knew everything that was going on in my life so she had many more things she could ask me about. Then on Saturday Kyle and I went to a party with a few fellow Brussels bloggers. It was great that even though we don't see each other very often, we always have lots to talk about because we all know so much about the others' lives due to our blogs.

I think everyone should keep up a blog. In essence, it is like writing a letter to a friend, but it just happens to be 40 people reading it instead of one! This way, your friends can really keep up with your day-to-day happenings, rather than just catching up on the "big topics."

On another topic, I have definitely thought about keeping notes on my friends, not because I don't care enough to remember what is going on in their lives, but because between remembering the names of siblings, in-laws, bosses and pets, as well as birthdays, anniversaries, tenions between relatives, and touchy topics, it can get really confusing! A friend of mine who is married to a man who has served as an ambassador to a few countries said it is a known thing among ambassador wives that you keep notecards on every person you meet. At the end of an evening you add any information you might have learned and then before the next time you might see them, you review their notecard so you can ask them all the right questions about their children, lives, etc. As impersonal as that may sound, if you have ever been stuck at a party saying, "So...how is your...child?" then you would think it was a great idea!

Krakow, Poland

There are great cheap airlines that fly from Brussels to a variety of places in Europe. When we saw a fare for free -- yes, FREE, though we had to pay taxes that equaled 60 euros apiece -- we jumped on it. So earlier this month we headed to Krakow, Poland, for a quick visit. It was a great city, especially considering what they have been through. You look around at these people and think of how far they have come considering their history: First they fought in WWI, then came WWII and their army was quickly crushed by the Nazis. Many, many of their citizens were sent to the concentration camps. After WWII was over, Poland was ruled by communism up until the late 1980s. As part of communism, a huge steelworks plant was put in their city. The plant caused such pollution that many of their building which had survived for centuries were suddenly corroding under acid rain. The communists brought Poland into bankruptcy and finally by 1988 Poland was able to move into a democratic system. So basically they have been trying to build up a life and country in only the last 19 years.

Some thoughts we had about Krakow:
--We couldn't get over the fact that we saw no other races there besides white people. We actually realized that we saw more nuns than people who weren't white. It is amazing how monochromaic many parts of Europe are. We laughed thinking of what it must be like for someone from Poland to go see New York City.
--Along the lines of the nuns, we could not get over how many of the people are active Christians. Even though I found a statistic saying that Poland is 91% Christian while Belgium is 87% Christian, the difference in activity is night and day. All of the churches we tried to visit in Krakow were bustling with people going to concerts, weddings, confession, etc. We went to one church four times and could never actually get to the front because there was always an event taking place in it. One church we visited allowed us to enter while there was a wedding going on in the front and a confession going on in the back! It was very different from the common experience in Belgium, France and other parts of Western Europe where the churches are empty except for the tourists. It was a good reminder that this is how active churches are supposed to be, rather than the empty buildings we have seen in every other city.

Click here for photos.

New Love

We recently had new neighbors move in above us. They were very kind and invited over the whole apartment building (8 other people) for drinks, but we were the only ones to show up. I used to be a little embarrassed that Kyle and I were newlyweds and didn't have a big house or fancy car like some of our other friends. In fact, we have the smallest apartment of any of my friends here. But people would always assure me that it was nice to remember what it was like to be a newlywed yada, yada. Well now I finally understand what they mean.

Mathilde and Simon have been dating for 3 1/2 years and have just moved in together after graduating from university this past September and only each recently getting paid jobs. It was so cute to see their apartment with their hand-me-down furniture. It was especially cute to see how sweet they were with each other and telling about their lives. I finally understand what people mean when they say that I shouldn't be embarrassed by our apartment. I guess it reminds them of when they were first in love and things didn't come quite as easily, but they were so smitten with each other that they didn't notice.

I have decided that Kyle and I should go to at least one wedding a year. Don't ask me how we will do that when we don't have friends getting married anymore, but it just seems like a good idea. A friend over here just got married two weeks ago. Seeing her talk about the wedding and the honeymoon and all the sweet things her husband said just warmed my heart. It reminded me of our wedding and what a wonderful time that was. We have only been married for three years, but we definitely don't look at each other as "dopey-eyed" (as my sister called it) as much as we used to. I guess we finally realized that we have to get things done in life rather than just sit around and say how much we love the other. So here is to remembering that new love.

I came across a list of answers kids had when asked about love. These should put a smile on your face!

Love and Marriage:
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7
"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6
"One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10
"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10
"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10
"[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10
"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8

Kissing:
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9
"You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10
"I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8
"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7
"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8
(on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6

How People In Love Act:
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8
"They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9
"See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9

What Mom and Dad Have In Common:
"Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8

How To Tell If Two People Are Married:
"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6
"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8

Deciding Who To Marry:
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10
"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10

Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9
"Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9

The Best Age To Get Married:
"Twenty three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." -- Cam, age 10
"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!" -- Freddie, age 6
Good Advice About Love:
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." -- Dick, age 7
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, age 8
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!" -- Ricky, age 7
"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love." -- Erin, age 8
"Sensitivity don't hurt." -- Robbie, age 8
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." -- Erin, age 8
"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind. Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." -- Natalie, age 9

What To Do When a First Date Turns Sour:
"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns." -- Craig, age 9

What Most People Are Thinking When They Say "I Love You":
"The person is thinking: 'Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.'" -- Michelle, age 9
"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat." -- Dick, age 7

Why People In Love Often Hold Hands:
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off, because they paid good money for them." -- Gavin, age 8
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing." -- John, age 9

A perfect expat day

I feel bad writing this blog because I know when I was stuck in my cube in Atlanta and read e-mails from friends traveling around the world it made me depressed. However, I want to remember this day and since this is kind of like my journal here, you'll just have to play along (or stop reading :). Although I have more free time here, I do stay really busy, so this is by no means a very typical day -- which is why I want to remember it.

I think one of the best parts of my life is not having to wake up to an alarm. Actually, I should be more honest. I am a really, really sound sleeper so I actually sleep right through the alarm. However, somehow hearing Kyle rustle around wakes me up, so I still feel like I am waking up naturally. I got up at 9:15am and hung out with Kyle/checked e-mail for a bit. There was a BBC special on about cheerleading in American and it reminded me of my high school days. I caught the bus and while on it, I was able to read a chapter of my new book. I did some shopping and luck was on my side because I found three pairs of shorts and a cute dress! My friend Kelly called while I was shopping and she had a few free hours, so we met up for lunch. There is a new Irish pub that has a great patio, so we were able to sit outside in the beautiful weather and catch up.

Next I drove to the Women's Club to return some books and videos. I absolutely love that place and know that I have never gotten more value for my money than I do with my membership to the AWCB. I really don't think there will be another time in my life where I can go to a building Monday through Friday from 9:30-3:30pm and be guaranteed to see at least 15 friends. This is what happened today and it was so nice to just drop in, hang out for an hour and a half visiting with friends and laughing and then head home. No one had to set up a meeting time or reserve a space, we all just knew that by dropping in we were bound to see a familiar face. I guess you could say it is kind of like my Cheers. After the Women's Club I ran by the grocery store and then was able to make it to the gym in time for a Body Pump class. I headed home, made a quick dessert and then got ready to head over to a friends house for dinner. All in all, a great day!