My Scarlet Letter

I haven't blogged about this too much because I just kind of think of it as my own internal battle. I guess I am also a bit embarassed about it too. But I have decided that I have my own scarlet letter when it comes to the French language. Never before have I had something that I felt this self-conscious about. I was always an average height and weight growing up. I wore glasses and braces, but was luckily somehow unaware of just how akward I looked in them. Basically I have always been just average enough to fit in with the crowd easily but still have my own personality.

But after living here I feel like I have more of an understanding of what people that are in a wheelchair or have a disability must feel like. I honestly feel like every time I walk into a place I have a big sign on my forehead that says, "American!!! Doesn't speak French!!!" You know how you think everyone notices something about you when in reality everyone is too concerned with themselves to worry about other people? When I am thinking clearly I know that other people don't spend all their time berating me in their minds for not speaking French, but when I am down on myself I feel like that is all they think about.

We took 40 hours' worth of French lessons in our first year here and it was a really scarring experience. I got so frustrated that I cried in the middle of about four different lessons with the teacher. I would sit at the kitchen table trying to do my homework and just cry because it made no sense to me. I only passsed grammar lessons in my previous schooling because I did every single extra credit assignment possible and I think the teachers just felt sorry for me. To this day I still don't fully understand what an adverb is. And to think I am married to a journalist! I thought I was through with these frustrated feelings of learning after graduating college!!!

In the two and a half years we have lived here I have definitely picked up some French. The frustrating part is that I can usually understand some of what is going on, but I have so much trouble ever responding to anything. Recently we were in a cab where the guy wanted to help us with our French, even though we had definitely not asked. I could understand every one of his questions, but could never put together more of a response other than "oui" or "non." When you are someone who likes to talk, nothing is more frustrating than just sitting there having so many thoughts racing through your head and only being able to say one-word answers.

I feel like I am two completely different people while living in Brussels. When I am with my friends I have the bubbly, happy, talkative personality that comes naturally. And then I step outside. I don't chat with the waitresses. I purposely try to avoid making eye contact with anyone so that they won't think to ask me anything. I basically make every effort just to stay in my own little bubble and not make contact with anyone.

I am especially envious of other expats who knew some French before they got here. Recently I met a woman that said, "Yeah, I feel embarassed because I only had six years of French between high school and college so I can't fully communicate with everyone here." I wanted to scream, "Woman! I thought that oui was spelled we before I got over here so stop your complaining!"

One of the good things about not speaking French and basically just not being in control of a situation is that I do everything with 110% effort. I just took a yoga class where the guy walked around the whole time and corrected your position while talking. Never before have I tried so hard to do a position perfectly just so he wouldn't come talk to me in front of the class.

I liken French to working out and eating right -- we could all be incredibly fit and healthy if we just put in the effort and worked at it, but we don't. We don't want to spend the time and energy it takes to get the results. I look back over my time here and think of when I have invited my friends to a luncheon or a chateau tour and they couldn't make it because they had French lessons. Now they know more French than I do, butI have the memories and experiences of doing a lot of really neat things here. As much as I hate that every single day I beat myself up for not knowing French, I like to think that although my capacity for French has not increased in our time here, my capacity for understanding and sympathizing with other people's shortcomings has.

PS--I am sure many of you out there are thinking, "Well stop complaining about it and do something!" I just signed up for another semester of classes starting in September so hopefully that will help. My friend Sheila has written a great post about these same types of feelings while learning Italian. Click here to read it.

Travel Map

Well I thought I had been to a fair number of places until I put them all in this travel map. The bad part is that traveling a lot of Europe looks like nothing, but the good part is that going to one city in Russia seems to color in a lot of the world.

Click here to see where I have traveled
(15% of the countries of the world).

Click here to see where Kyle has traveled
(18% of the countries of the world).

My new career

A friend recently told me about an ad she had responded to and encouraged me to look into it also. In the typical way that a second language can present problems, the ad read, "Looking for Native American Speakers To Be In An Infomercial". They were actually looking for any ole' American but the wording got a little mixed up. Since I grew up with my parents filming every one of my school functions, cheerleading events and softball games, I figured I would be pretty comfortable in front of the camera. Originally they were looking for people to test a laundry ball and then be filmed for a testimonial for how great the ball was. However, I guess my experience in front of the camera was obvious because I actually got called in to be the assistant during the demonstration filming.

The washing maching was set up in a mall so that a crowd would gather around. There was a British actor they had flown in from the UK who tried his best to have an American accent (because this will eventually be launched in the US). He did well, but I had to correct him a few times when he mentioned "trainers" and "jumpers" instead of tennis shoes and sweaters.

During the filming I was in a the crowd and just "happened" to get picked out (even though I already had my makeup and hair done and was miked up) to rub the stains into the clothes. I summoned up all my Southern fakeness and oohed and aahhed as best I could about the magic of the laundry ball. It was so much fun to have the hair and makeup woman fuss over me between each take. I definitely realized that anyone you see on TV that looks good has A LOT of makeup on. I looked like a porcelain doll by the time this woman was done with me she had put so much foundation and powder on. For the British guy, she even put makeup on his hands and ears!

After speaking to my British colleague I found out that you can actually make a lot of money just doing one days shoots of this type. So send any and all Belgian infomercials opportunities my way, I just might be the next Suzanne Somers!

God Stop

I am participating in a bible study that is by Beth Moore. She is a spitfire little blonde from Texas with big hair and an even bigger Southern accent. Every time I see the video of her it makes me miss Southern accents while it also reminds me of my Aunt Carol. One of the things she mentions are God Stops, basically just taking time at the end of your day to think about how you have seen God in your life and the world that day. I am not very good about writing down my God Stops, but I think of them often. Even though there are many bad things in the world, I am lucky enough to find lots of little great things in the world every day. Here are a few:

--I am babysitting a little 8 month old boy. It has been so neat to see his reaction when he experiences something for the first time. Recently we put him in a walker and you could see his little brain working as he realized that if he moved his feet, his body would move along with them.
--The other night I was in traffic jam at midnight with two friends in the car. I just happened to think that I should change lanes. Thirty seconds after I had changed lanes a car came speeding into the tunnel and rear ended another car which resulted in a chain reaction of seven cars being hit. Every person that got out of their car was a man. Although it was unfortunate for those other cars, I felt so lucky to not have been hit in a tunnel, with Kyle out of town, being the only woman in the wreck (and not speaking very much French), in our brand new car.
--Although Kyle and I miss our families tremendously, we are both so lucky to have incredible friends here. I have called on these friends to do things that you would normally only ask a family member to do. These friends have taken care of me when I have been sick, comforted me when I was sad, and celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with us.
--I recently made a list of all the places we have visited this year. Not only am I thankful for the chance to tour around different cities, but I am most thankful for the opportunity it has given me to open my mind to other cultures and ideas. I told my mom recently that I have become a much more liberal person while living over here.
--I have mentioned these before, but I just love getting flowers every Wednesday at our local market. Seeing them on my coffee table every time I enter the room just makes my day that something so simple can be so beautiful.
--I am constantly amazed at just how lucky we are to have so much freedom and choices. Compared to so many other countries we just live incredible lives -- we have no fear of being persecuted for political or religious beliefs. We can speak freely of our thoughts and beliefs. We are all just so blessed.

A day to remember

I want to remember this day because I have a feeling there won't be one similar to it when we aren't expats anymore, or once we have kids. I have had the best day. Kyle woke me up at 10am as he headed to work. I got up, did some things around the house, cleaned the bathroom and then went to lunch with my friends Kelly and Julie Anne. They helped me to enjoy my day even more because they were telling stories about the hellacious day each of them had had carting kids all over Brussels. After their stories I was reminded again of how much I should appreciate my calm life now. I headed home after lunch to change into my comfy fleece pants and read my book. Completely opposite of the weather that is currently happening in the South, it has been 51 F and raining here all day long. After reading my book I knitted a bit and then made myself a cup of hot chocolate. Yes, it is August and I am wearing fleece pants and drinking hot chocolate -- that is Brussels for you! I had a fun and peaceful afternoon of surfing the Internet, catching up with my mom, ironing, organizing my recipes, and making dinner. Kyle came home and we ate dinner, watched an episode of Friends and then played Cribbage. In re-reading this I realize that I sound much older than 27, but I sure am happy!

Photos from the Baltic Bliss

We flew into Copenhagen and stayed the night there to have some time to see the city. When we boarded the ship the next day, I was like a kid in a candy store with all the exploring I did. I ate three times in a six-hour period because I was so excited to see all the food! (Those who know me well know how much I like to eat :) We set sail for Oslo, Norway, and arrived there the next morning. Kyle enjoyed their city hall and a sculpture park more than I did. However, I really enjoyed the Viking musuem and seeing a really posh neighborhood in Oslo. I just couldn't get over how expensive the city was!

The next day we were at sea. I enjoyed getting to attend a class about digital cameras, look at the books they had in the library, go for a swim and of course take a nap :) Our room was on the inside area of the boat so we didn't have a window. At first I was worried I might get claustrophobic, but once we saw the size of the room we realized that it was bigger than most hotel rooms we stay in throughout Europe. The best part was that the room got pitch-black dark when you shut the door, which made for a great nap! They also had three art auctions on the ship which were really interesting. I am still amazed they can get this type of art, but they actually had works by Picasso, Dali and Chagall among many others. It was nice to be able to see such a variety of artwork in a small area. Of course, I really took a liking to a pen and ink that was framed beautifully. We asked about it and it turned out to be a Rembrant starting at $32,000! Oops...at least I have good taste. We ended up getting a few pieces by the much, much lesser-known artists that were shown.

After a restful day at sea we explored Gdansk, Poland, the next day. It was funny to see how there were different tourists on the cruise -- some signed on for every excursion the ship offered; some did a few excursions and then for other ports took a taxi into the city and explored on their own; others tried to do everything the cheapest way and either took the local bus or train into the city from the port and toured around on their own, following pages they had copied out of the tour books they got from the Women's Club library. Can you guess which ones we were? We walked past all the tour buses in Gdynia (the port city outside of Gdansk) and took a 30-minute train ride into Gdansk. The train station in Gdynia looks like it hasn't been touched since 1942. It is gray and dusty and incredibly depressing. After a very rickety train ride in cramped seats we made it to Gdansk. Over 90% of the downtown was ruined during WWII. First the Germans bombed it to take over; then the Americans bombed it to get the Germans out. I sure would not have wanted to be a German on our cruise because basically the history of every city was, "Well, the Germans bombed us everywhere and we are still trying to rebuild." OR "The German soliders took over this beautiful castle, church, building etc. and desecrated it, breaking or stealing every historical artifact that was in here." The city was rebuilt according to what it had looked like in the 1600s. During that time the city had been developed by a Flemish guy, so walking through Gdansk actually felt alot like walking through Brugge, Belgium.

The next day we visited Tallinn, Estonia. No one could really pinpoint what was so great about the city, but everyone we met on the cruise just loved it (including us). We had a great day wandering the streets and enjoying the architecture. This city is the perfect example of Wall Street Journal beliefs put into action. The former prime minister after communism fell decided to let business guide itself through privatization and free market policies by introducing a flat tax among many other changes. Seeing how Estonia is flourishing compared to what I can only imagine it looked like under Communist rule is amazing.

Click here for photos from Copenhagen.

Click here for photos from Oslo.

Click here for photos from Gdansk.

Click here for photos from Tallinn.

The Circle of Life

I am having torn emotions today. At 3pm I found out one of my best friends is pregnant and I couldn't be more excited for her. But then at 4pm I found out that a second friend of mine within one week has been diagnosed with breast cancer. I love all of the exciting events my age brings, with weddings and babies galore. But having so many friends who are older than me also keeps me realistic about the sad things that are sure to come in life too. I guess I should just use this as a good reminder to enjoy every moment, but instead I often find myself looking to the future with apprehension.

Baltic Bliss

I don't really know where to begin other than to say that I have just experienced the best vacation I have ever had. I really don't think there was anyone on the ship that enjoyed themselves more than I did. I definitely got my moneys worth! For starters, I think I enjoyed everything even more because I was coming from Belgium to be on a cruise with a bunch of Americans (2700 passengers on the ship and over half were from North America). When you live away from your country for 2 1/2 years, it is the little things that are so wonderful. For instance:
--free ice water with every meal!
--free ice with any drink you wanted!
--over 15 U.S. television stations!
--customer service!
--people stood in line and didn't try to cut you off!
--everyone spoke English and understood the little idioms you said!

These things alone were enough to make a good vacation for me, but to top it all off the cruise ship had a 24 hour food buffet, 4 swimming pools, loads of activities and entertainment all day and night, lots of people for me to meet, and it stopped in 7 ports!

I'm still working on the photos, but in the meantime, here is a slideshow of some of my favorites.

Back from the Baltic

We just got back from our best vacation ever! We took a 10 day cruise through the Baltic Sea stopping in Copenhagen, Oslo, Gdansk (Poland), Tallinn (Estonia), St. Petersburg, Helsinki, and Stockholm. Words can't describe how wonderful it was. Luckily though, we have over 500 pictures to attempt it with! Here is a photo to whet your appetite.