Can you tell you are first time parents? The other night we pulled out all the stops -- I am reading from The Baby Whisperer, mom is using the Sleep Sheep and Kyle is using tips from The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD. Thanks to dad for being the videographer of this first parent moment.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Our Brussels Sprout Baby has Arrived!
At 9:57am on Tuesday, January 20, 2009 we welcomed Charles Burton Wingfield (Charlie) into this world. He weighed 6 pounds (2.75 kilos) and was 18.5 inches long (47 cm). The birth went well and I enjoyed getting to stay in the hospital for six days afterwards (the Belgian norm). Kyle took the week off and stayed with us in the hospital the whole time which was just wonderful. In fact, he changed a lot more diapers than I ever did in that week!
My parents arrived on Saturday and have been an incredible help. Kyle and I tried the first night at home alone and it didn't take long for me to yell, "Mom, help!" She has stayed with us each night since then taking the night shift which has helped beyond words.
Charlie is an absolute angel and has been patient with us as we try to figure out his cues. Each day we seem to learn one new trick that helps calm him. Thus far he is a good eater that absolutely hates having a dirty diaper or having his diaper changed. However, once he has a clean diaper and a full belly he is happy to stare at lights, listen to us coo at him and just look around and take in the world.
We have been overwhelmed by the love and kind wishes of so many friends and family. I am sorry I have not responded to anyone yet, but wow it is amazing how one little baby can consume your whole day! It is 5pm before I know it and all I seem to have done is deal with bottles, diapers, and laundry. We have also gone a little crazy with the photos -- in one week we have taken over 300! And I can definitely tell that I am a parent now because it actually hurts my heart a little to delete even one of them. Below are some of my favorites...
Charlie has Kyle's sweet blonde hair and blue eyes.
During the day Charlie likes to practice his martial arts and then later have a dance party to Madonna's Vogue.
Afterwards he ponders the meaning of life for a few hours.
And then before bed he says his prayers.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Let me let go
Awhile ago I was flipping through a book about being an expat. It said that studies have shown that the most successful/happiest expat has two main qualities -- they are not goal oriented/have a low need for success and they have a good sense of humor. I couldn't help but laugh at this because I think of myself as a pretty 'successful' expat which I guess means that I am happy being a slacker!
I was told early on by many other 'successful' expats that the key to enjoying life here is to be happy and satisfied with the little accomplishments. In the beginning, if I just went to the grocery store and that was all I did for the day, then I had accomplished something. I know that to most people that sounds crazy, but when you experience just how stressful it is to shop and bag your groceries in a foreign country then it all makes sense.
In our time here I have also had to learn how to let go of everything. Every single day I see something that doesn't make sense (a goat in the metro, a bus not going on its regular route, traffic stopped for no reason, a homeless guy directing cars where to park in a parking lot). The only way to not go crazy here is to just shrug your shoulders, roll your eyes, shake your head and let out a little chuckle. Trying to make sense of it will just leave you even more frustrated.
I say all of this because I am finding myself having to rely on so many of the qualities I learned in our first year here as I prepare for the baby. At least once a day I start to get really stressed about what I haven't done in preparation for the baby, all the things that could go wrong in the delivery, all the things that could go wrong with me trying to speak French in the hospital for five days and so, so many other things. The only thing I can do is remember how out of control I felt our first year here (and still do, but not quite as often). And yet, we have survived. I take a deep breath and try to let myself accept the fact that I have no control over anything. You know how they say when your car is hydroplaning that you should not slam on the brakes or jerk the wheel, but instead you should just take your foot off the gas and just go with it? That is the mentality I am trying to now channel.
I keep getting asked my decisions about various baby topics (having an epidural, breastfeeding) and people look at me a little funny when I say, "I don't know, we'll just have to see how it goes." But I have learned over time that the surest way for something to go awry is to decide which way you want it to happen. I love the phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, make a plan." Every day I try to remind myself about letting go and accepting the fact that I am not in control.
Two people that are in the back of my mind as I think these things are my grandmother Moa and my friend Gail. Moa is the most easy going person I have ever come across in my life. She is happy to do anything and is always willing to go with the flow. And because of that everyone always wants to be around her. Especially recently, I have tried to channel her mentality into my daily life as well as my friend Gail's attitude. One day I was asking Gail if she got stressed having to entertain her husband's co-workers. She looked at me and said, "You know what Emily? Before, I would have been beside myself trying to get it all done, but then I got breast cancer. And after that I have just realized that life is too short to stress about things."
So if I seem a little 'zen-ed' out in the coming months, I guess my purposeful letting go is working, or perhaps I am just so sleep deprived I don't care anymore!
I was told early on by many other 'successful' expats that the key to enjoying life here is to be happy and satisfied with the little accomplishments. In the beginning, if I just went to the grocery store and that was all I did for the day, then I had accomplished something. I know that to most people that sounds crazy, but when you experience just how stressful it is to shop and bag your groceries in a foreign country then it all makes sense.
In our time here I have also had to learn how to let go of everything. Every single day I see something that doesn't make sense (a goat in the metro, a bus not going on its regular route, traffic stopped for no reason, a homeless guy directing cars where to park in a parking lot). The only way to not go crazy here is to just shrug your shoulders, roll your eyes, shake your head and let out a little chuckle. Trying to make sense of it will just leave you even more frustrated.
I say all of this because I am finding myself having to rely on so many of the qualities I learned in our first year here as I prepare for the baby. At least once a day I start to get really stressed about what I haven't done in preparation for the baby, all the things that could go wrong in the delivery, all the things that could go wrong with me trying to speak French in the hospital for five days and so, so many other things. The only thing I can do is remember how out of control I felt our first year here (and still do, but not quite as often). And yet, we have survived. I take a deep breath and try to let myself accept the fact that I have no control over anything. You know how they say when your car is hydroplaning that you should not slam on the brakes or jerk the wheel, but instead you should just take your foot off the gas and just go with it? That is the mentality I am trying to now channel.
I keep getting asked my decisions about various baby topics (having an epidural, breastfeeding) and people look at me a little funny when I say, "I don't know, we'll just have to see how it goes." But I have learned over time that the surest way for something to go awry is to decide which way you want it to happen. I love the phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, make a plan." Every day I try to remind myself about letting go and accepting the fact that I am not in control.
Two people that are in the back of my mind as I think these things are my grandmother Moa and my friend Gail. Moa is the most easy going person I have ever come across in my life. She is happy to do anything and is always willing to go with the flow. And because of that everyone always wants to be around her. Especially recently, I have tried to channel her mentality into my daily life as well as my friend Gail's attitude. One day I was asking Gail if she got stressed having to entertain her husband's co-workers. She looked at me and said, "You know what Emily? Before, I would have been beside myself trying to get it all done, but then I got breast cancer. And after that I have just realized that life is too short to stress about things."
So if I seem a little 'zen-ed' out in the coming months, I guess my purposeful letting go is working, or perhaps I am just so sleep deprived I don't care anymore!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Tears in my eyes
When I was in first grade, my parents attended the first parent/teacher conference of the year. My teacher told them, "Emily is a good student, but I do sometimes find her quietly sobbing in the corner." At the time I apparently had a little trouble being away from my mom for the whole day. Fortunately I have adjusted to spending more than seven hours away from my mom but unfortunately I have not lost the 'quiet sobbing' trait. In fact, I was thinking today about all the places I have quietly sobbed and the list is quite long.
It is something I hate about myself, but I just can't stop. I feel the tears start to burn my eyes and no matter what I try to do to stop them, once they start I just can't get them to stop. I have cried in school, at work, in front of my boss, in umpteen bathrooms and basically any where else you can think of. I don't do it for pity or to get my way -- I just can't stop the tears once they start. The worst part is that the main things that bring them on are not understanding something, being criticized, worry and a lack of sleep. Needless to say, I have a feeling that I will be quietly sobbing my way through these next few months.
Luckily Kyle has gotten used to this side of me and doesn't freak out the way a lot of men do when they see tears. He knows that the best way to stop them is a hug, a Double Stuffed Oreo, a Coke and putting me down for a nap. After any combination of those things I am usually back to my normal self (except for the red, puffy eyes and splotchy face). I recently read that crying releases endorphins and it helps you relieve stress. So if you ever see me quietly sobbing, don't worry, it is just the lazy woman's way of doing yoga.
It is something I hate about myself, but I just can't stop. I feel the tears start to burn my eyes and no matter what I try to do to stop them, once they start I just can't get them to stop. I have cried in school, at work, in front of my boss, in umpteen bathrooms and basically any where else you can think of. I don't do it for pity or to get my way -- I just can't stop the tears once they start. The worst part is that the main things that bring them on are not understanding something, being criticized, worry and a lack of sleep. Needless to say, I have a feeling that I will be quietly sobbing my way through these next few months.
Luckily Kyle has gotten used to this side of me and doesn't freak out the way a lot of men do when they see tears. He knows that the best way to stop them is a hug, a Double Stuffed Oreo, a Coke and putting me down for a nap. After any combination of those things I am usually back to my normal self (except for the red, puffy eyes and splotchy face). I recently read that crying releases endorphins and it helps you relieve stress. So if you ever see me quietly sobbing, don't worry, it is just the lazy woman's way of doing yoga.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Almost there
I really, really hate these photos so I am embarassed to even put one up, but a lot of people have asked, so here it is...
I feel pretty good about that fact that I haven't gained too much weight (18 pounds so far) but that is soley because I was pregnant over here and Chick Fil A was an ocean away. All of the food I have craved was American stuff (Chick Fil A, Moe's, Fellini's, Arby's, Dunkin Donuts) and obviously not available here. So when all I wanted was an Arby's roast beef sandwich and there was no way to get one, I would just have to settle for a pbj and an apple. Although it wasn't fun to not get what I craved, now I am appreciative that it helped me to not put on too much weight.
I feel pretty good about that fact that I haven't gained too much weight (18 pounds so far) but that is soley because I was pregnant over here and Chick Fil A was an ocean away. All of the food I have craved was American stuff (Chick Fil A, Moe's, Fellini's, Arby's, Dunkin Donuts) and obviously not available here. So when all I wanted was an Arby's roast beef sandwich and there was no way to get one, I would just have to settle for a pbj and an apple. Although it wasn't fun to not get what I craved, now I am appreciative that it helped me to not put on too much weight.Saturday, January 10, 2009
Recently Kyle and I were discussing what one thing we each feel has dictated our lives here in Belgium the most. Kyle chose the weather but for me it has been the language barrier. It makes sense why we each chose what we did -- Kyle is in an English speaking office all day so the little bit of time he is outside it always seems to be rainy and cold. In the winter he leaves for work when it is dark and gets home when it is dark. I can arrange my day to be outside any time it is not raining or even if the sun is out for just a bit. However, since I am not in an office all day I am also out in the French speaking community much more than Kyle ever is.
Yes, we both agree that we could have done more to further our French. And of all cities, Brussels is very easy to get around in English, so we really shouldn't be complaining. But the one reason I will be glad to move from here is to go back to a place where everyone speaks English. I can't describe how frustrating it is to never quite get what is going on. Even if someone is speaking English, it is not their first language so you are always doing a bit of mental gymnastics to try and figure out their meaning (for example someone was recently telling me about "the big burn" -- she was talking about a fire).
I keep a journal from each of our trips and was recently looking back through it. Whenever I am in the UK or USA I end up writing something like, "Until I am in an English speaking place and I can finally feel my shoulders relax just a bit, I never realize the quiet fear and undercurrent of stress I have every day in Brussels that something will happen in French and I won't be able to figure it out."
Today is a perfect example of this. I went to a coffee shop (ironically enough to study my French) and I couldn't understand what the waiter was saying about my order. Since it was just a cappuccino I figured whatever he was saying coudn't be that disasterous so I just said ok. The coffee turned out fine, but when you can't understand what someone is saying to you, you just feel completely at their mercy. To top it off, I returned to our car to find a ticket on it. Because of a few different aspects of the situation, Kyle and I really want to fight the ticket. However, we obviously don't know enough French to fight it, so I am sure we will just end up paying the ticket.
The good part about not being able to communicate it that it has made us very laid back and easy going -- we accept whatever is given to us and never argue or complain about it. But the down side is that we each feel completely trapped in our minds and not able to share any thoughts or ideas with others. Never underestimate the power and freedom that being able to express yourself brings.
”The limits of my language means the limits of my world.” --Ludwig Wittgenstein
Yes, we both agree that we could have done more to further our French. And of all cities, Brussels is very easy to get around in English, so we really shouldn't be complaining. But the one reason I will be glad to move from here is to go back to a place where everyone speaks English. I can't describe how frustrating it is to never quite get what is going on. Even if someone is speaking English, it is not their first language so you are always doing a bit of mental gymnastics to try and figure out their meaning (for example someone was recently telling me about "the big burn" -- she was talking about a fire).
I keep a journal from each of our trips and was recently looking back through it. Whenever I am in the UK or USA I end up writing something like, "Until I am in an English speaking place and I can finally feel my shoulders relax just a bit, I never realize the quiet fear and undercurrent of stress I have every day in Brussels that something will happen in French and I won't be able to figure it out."
Today is a perfect example of this. I went to a coffee shop (ironically enough to study my French) and I couldn't understand what the waiter was saying about my order. Since it was just a cappuccino I figured whatever he was saying coudn't be that disasterous so I just said ok. The coffee turned out fine, but when you can't understand what someone is saying to you, you just feel completely at their mercy. To top it off, I returned to our car to find a ticket on it. Because of a few different aspects of the situation, Kyle and I really want to fight the ticket. However, we obviously don't know enough French to fight it, so I am sure we will just end up paying the ticket.
The good part about not being able to communicate it that it has made us very laid back and easy going -- we accept whatever is given to us and never argue or complain about it. But the down side is that we each feel completely trapped in our minds and not able to share any thoughts or ideas with others. Never underestimate the power and freedom that being able to express yourself brings.
”The limits of my language means the limits of my world.” --Ludwig Wittgenstein
Friday, January 09, 2009
Just the right words
Before I was pregnant I never had any clue of what to say to a pregnant person. I still don't think I have much of a clue, but I can at least share my thoughts on the worst things to say...
Worst things to say to a pregnant person:
Worst things to say to a pregnant person:
- "You just bigger every time I see you!" "You look like you could have that baby any day now!" "Wow, now you really have a bump!" or any other comment about a woman's size. Pretend you are Southern and just lie straight through your teeth. No matter what size the woman is, she already feels extremely big so the kindest thing you can do is just tell her that she looks tiny, hasn't put on weight anywhere else and just keep going on and on about how great she looks.
- "You shouldn't be eating/drinking that." I am amazed at how people just tell you what they think you should or should not be doing when you never even asked their opinion. I don't go up to a fat person at McDonald's and tell them that they shouldn't be eating there. And yet, being a pregnant woman seems to be a free for all for people to tell you what they think.
- "How are you feeling?" I am torn about this one because of course I understand that people are only asking this out of kind concern. However, when you are asked this by every single person you see, every single day for six months, it gets a little old. There are a few different situations that dictate my answer:
-- A man asks. I figure he really doesn't want the details so I just say I feel fine.
--A woman who has never been pregnant asks. I don't think anyone who has not been pregnant really wants to hear the gory details or should be subjected to them, so I usually just tell them that I feel fine too. (I made the mistake one time of showing a 23 year old how my stomach moves when the baby kicks. The look of absolute disgust on her face was burned into my mind enough that I keep the details to myself now.)
-- A woman who has had children asks. Usually I am most honest with this group, however I still watch my response depending on who asks. Some people are really sympathetic while others respond with any and every story to top whatever ailment I might be experiencing. - "Have you had the baby yet?" I am just now staring to get this question but already it is one of my least favorite. Again, I know people are only concerned, but it is such a silly question when you really think about it. Trust me, there is no one out there that has more of a count down going on in her mind than a woman who is nine months pregnant. With every breath she takes and every move she makes, she is thinking about the baby and the delivery so you asking her is only adding to the pressure. And if you are talking to her on the phone or seeing her in person and she doesn't mention in the first one minute about the baby, then obviously she has not had it yet
So there is my list. I feel ungrateful complaining about these things because I know people just want to show an interest in the pregnancy. But a lot of my friends are pregnant right now and they all complain about the same comments so I thought this might serve as a bit of a public service announcement for all of us expectant ("how could you be expecting, you look so tiny!") mothers out there.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
I am a bit embarassed to write this post because I realize it sounds like I am bragging a lot. However, since part of the purpose of this blog is as a journal for me to keep up with our time here, I want to have this documented somewhere (and I know I will lose it if it is just on a random piece of paper).
Friends warned me that once I started telling people I was pregnant others would say, "Oh, enjoy your free time now. Life will never be the same. Your life as you know it will end the day that baby is born. Kiss your freedom goodbye. I hope you are done with anything else you had ever wanted to do in life." and other such positive/encouraging things like that. Luckily it hasn't happened with quite as much severity as I had anticipated, but we have definitely heard our fair share of "Enjoy it now" comments. While I fully understand people's intentions with those comments, I can't quite grasp exactly what they mean. To me, it is the equivalent of me saying, "Enjoy being able to breathe through your nose (since I just spent a week not being able to and can tell you how miserable it is.)" I don't think you can fully appreciate something until it has been taken away from you. A nap will never seem as sweet to a well rested person as it will to a sleep deprived one (as I know I will soon find out).
So in preparation for all those comments, I decided to sit down and write a list of everywhere we have traveled in our time together. During each of these trips we have gotten to eat at great restaurants, see new places, spend quality time together, learn new things and basically just really enjoy life. I am thinking that I should print out this list and on those sleepless nights when the baby is up crying for hours, rather than feel like my life is over, I can look at this list and remember just how much we lived life to the fullest before the next chapter began.
So here it is (a list of all the places we have seen together since Feb. 2, 2001)...
Australia
Belgium – Gent, Brugge, Liege, Leuven, Bouillon, Lier, Binche, Aalst
Bosnia
Croatia
Denmark -- Copenhagen
England – London, Bath
Estonia -- Tallin
Egypt -- Cairo
Finland -- Helsinki
France – Paris, Normandy, Champagne, Loire Valley, Chantilly, Provence, Nice, Strasbourg
Greece – Athens, Olympia, Crete, Corfu, Santorini, Mykonos
Germany – Cologne, Aachen, Rothenberg, Berlin, Trier
Ireland – Dublin
Italy – Bologna, Sestri Levante, Venice, Rome
Luxembourg – Luxembourg City, Vianden
Montenegro
Monaco
Norway -- Oslo
Netherlands – Delft, Alsmeer, Amsterdam
New Zealand
Poland – Krakow, Gdansk
Prague
Puerto Rico – Vieques, Fajardo, San Juan
Russia – St. Petersburg
Spain – Madrid, Granada, Sevilla, Barcelona, Salobrena
Sweden -- Stockholm
Tunisia
Turkey – Ephesus, Istanbul
Boston, MA
Charleston, SC
Crystal River, FL
Dallas, TX
Dayton, OH
Highlands, NC
Jacksonville, FL
New York, NY
New Hampshire
St. Louis, MO
Winston Salem, NC
Friends warned me that once I started telling people I was pregnant others would say, "Oh, enjoy your free time now. Life will never be the same. Your life as you know it will end the day that baby is born. Kiss your freedom goodbye. I hope you are done with anything else you had ever wanted to do in life." and other such positive/encouraging things like that. Luckily it hasn't happened with quite as much severity as I had anticipated, but we have definitely heard our fair share of "Enjoy it now" comments. While I fully understand people's intentions with those comments, I can't quite grasp exactly what they mean. To me, it is the equivalent of me saying, "Enjoy being able to breathe through your nose (since I just spent a week not being able to and can tell you how miserable it is.)" I don't think you can fully appreciate something until it has been taken away from you. A nap will never seem as sweet to a well rested person as it will to a sleep deprived one (as I know I will soon find out).
So in preparation for all those comments, I decided to sit down and write a list of everywhere we have traveled in our time together. During each of these trips we have gotten to eat at great restaurants, see new places, spend quality time together, learn new things and basically just really enjoy life. I am thinking that I should print out this list and on those sleepless nights when the baby is up crying for hours, rather than feel like my life is over, I can look at this list and remember just how much we lived life to the fullest before the next chapter began.
So here it is (a list of all the places we have seen together since Feb. 2, 2001)...
Australia
Belgium – Gent, Brugge, Liege, Leuven, Bouillon, Lier, Binche, Aalst
Bosnia
Croatia
Denmark -- Copenhagen
England – London, Bath
Estonia -- Tallin
Egypt -- Cairo
Finland -- Helsinki
France – Paris, Normandy, Champagne, Loire Valley, Chantilly, Provence, Nice, Strasbourg
Greece – Athens, Olympia, Crete, Corfu, Santorini, Mykonos
Germany – Cologne, Aachen, Rothenberg, Berlin, Trier
Ireland – Dublin
Italy – Bologna, Sestri Levante, Venice, Rome
Luxembourg – Luxembourg City, Vianden
Montenegro
Monaco
Norway -- Oslo
Netherlands – Delft, Alsmeer, Amsterdam
New Zealand
Poland – Krakow, Gdansk
Prague
Puerto Rico – Vieques, Fajardo, San Juan
Russia – St. Petersburg
Spain – Madrid, Granada, Sevilla, Barcelona, Salobrena
Sweden -- Stockholm
Tunisia
Turkey – Ephesus, Istanbul
Boston, MA
Charleston, SC
Crystal River, FL
Dallas, TX
Dayton, OH
Highlands, NC
Jacksonville, FL
New York, NY
New Hampshire
St. Louis, MO
Winston Salem, NC
Monday, January 05, 2009
Thanksgiving and Christmas
I just realized that I have a few photos I haven't posted. For Thanksgiving we had our friends Stephen and Laura Doyle over, along with their kids Andrew and Natalie and our friend Beth Schepens. I had never actually cooked a turkey before so I was a bit nervous. The only thing that went wrong was with the actual defrosting of the turkey. My only knowledge of defrosting a turkey is that it takes a really, really long time. Since I only bought the turkey on Wednesday and I knew it needed to defrost, I did what any person my age would do -- came home and Googled how to defrost a turkey. And that day I learned a very important lesson -- always look at more than one site to find the answer. The first site I clicked on was a British government website that said if you wanted to quickly defrost the turkey, then leave it out at room temperature, so I did what it said. Well eight hours later Kyle came home as I was happily puttering around the kitchen. He happened to click on several different sites and we quickly learned that the surest way to die is to defrost a turkey at room temperature. Since I was pregnant and we were cooking for other people we decided not to chance it and we threw away the turkey. The next day, to my complete shock, I was able to find a refrigerated turkey in the grocery store (I have never seen one there before) so the day was saved.
I made turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts with bacon, gravy, Laura brought the dressing and we had pecan pie for dessert. As I was putting everything in serving dishes I realized that I didn't have a gravy bowl so I improvised with a St. Feuillen beer glass. I am thinking that I might include that and the brussels sprouts in all future Thanksgivings as my nod to our time here.
Overall it was a great Thanksgiving with good friends, good food and only one small crisis!
This next photo is so pitiful I am almost embarassed to put it up, however I know we will look back on it and laugh. As a side note, we really had intended on getting a tree. We were out shopping on the one Saturday we had available to buy it. I had just bought a warm waffle and was waiting for Kyle as he ran to put our shopping in the car before heading over to look at the trees. Just as I was thinking, "Oh, this is just wonderful. I am all bundeled up, eating a yummy waffle and we are about to buy a tree together. We'll go home, put on Christmas music, decorate the tree, and drink some hot chocolate. What a great memory." The only part that I hadn't factored into my great memory making time was that all of this was taking place in Belgium. Just as Kyle walked up to me, the sky opened up and and it just poured rain. By that point my waffle was done, Kyle was a bit wet, I was getting cold, people were running around like crazy trying to get out of the rain and all the Christmas trees were soaking wet. And that is how we ended up using the fake tree we knew we had at home.
Before we were married, Kyle bought a little Christmas tree that lights up for his apartment in Montgomery. We have never used it, so I thought this year would be a good time to start. Even though I have been here four years, my brain lapsed a little and I plugged in the tree without putting the plug into a converter first. Just as I was thinking, "Man, this looks tacky." I hear a 'poof' and the smoke starts coming out of the plug. I had slightly blown up the Christmas tree. Luckily Sam Carney had given us a string of Christmas lights back when they left three years ago so I laced those through the tree. We had bought some decorations on different trips so we were at least able to fill up the tree. When we were in Trier I saw these two ornaments and thought they were too cute to pass up considering our stage in life. Since we aren't finding out the sex of the baby, we bought one of each. Only about a month now until we know which one to put out next year!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Vow is he great
Whew, I finally feel like just a normal sick person rather than a person who was about to go over the edge as I was earlier this week. In case you wanted to know, being eight months pregnant and having tonsillitis is not a great combination. I never want to go into gross personal details about being pregnant so I'll just leave it that between carrying the baby, changes in my body because of the pregnancy and a virus trying to beat my body, I was feeling beyond awful. On New Year's Eve Kyle tried to make me feel better and said, "Just think, you will feel much better in 2009." He seemed to have forgotten that early in 2009 I first have to give birth to a child! The only good thing about being this sick is that I have been so out of it mentally that I haven't had time to worry about the birth.
My sister believes that when you are fighting a cold you should wear a hat to help you heal. I was so sick I decided to throw on a scarf too just for good measure. Between the black hat and scarf, combined with my gray pajamas over my pregnant belly I really did look like Frosty the Snowman.
Throughout all of this, Kyle has been an absolute saint in taking care of me. For the past six days I have only been out of the house twice and both times were to go to the doctor. For the rest of the time I was either on the couch or in bed. Monday and Tuesday it hurt so much to talk that I was actually just snapping, clapping, and miming to get his attention and explain what I needed. During those few times I was thinking clearly I thought about how much he was fulfilling all of our marriage vows. I think when most people say their vows they mean what they are saying, but they don't actually know what they meaning. And of course I don't think you really understand what the vows mean until you are in a tough situation. Kyle and I have only been married four and half years so I have a feeling we have yet to experience the true meaning of each of them either. But in the last few days I got a glimpse of Kyle's fulfillment of some them and I feel confident in our future!
To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.
I look back and often wonder how I was so lucky to make such a great decision to marry Kyle. I have my parents to thank for raising me to make good decisions, but I also know that love blinds a lot of people. In all honesty, the permanence and longevity of chosing a spouse still overwhelms me, even when I know my decision has already been made! However, I do think past behavior is a very good indicator and it often seems that if people had just looked more closely at their spouses behavior patterns then they might have seen the writing on the wall.
My mom always said "Date lots of people and then marry your best friend." I knew she had good advice but all through college I kept looking at my guy friends and thinking, "Would I ever want to marry him? No." It wasn't until I was distracted by lots of other stuff that I finally forgot to stop looking at my guy friends and lo and behold then Kyle and I became best friends. We spent a year just being good friends and during that time there were lots of situations where I got to see the real Kyle. Although I wasn't thinking it at the time, in hindsight, I was seeing the exact same wonderful traits he has brought into our marriage and why he is such a wonderful husband.
--I think of when the Arch Society group was hanging out at Palmer's mountain house. Everyone else was in the den goofing off and I came into the kitchen to find Kyle doing the dishes just because they needed to be done.
--After that same retreat everyone else headed home and Kyle stayed behind with me to clean out the vans so I wouldn't be left to do it myself and he wanted to make sure we returned them back the way we found them.
--Kyle was the chairman of the Arch Society. The chairman of the previous year had committed the group to several very unpopular assignments that took place during the football games. Kyle bore the brunt of people's unhappiness, even though it hadn't been his decision. I still remember sitting at Gyro Wrap on Broad Street when he explained to me that the group had made a committment and although everyone hated the assignments, we couldn't quit in the middle of the season. We needed to re-evaluate for the next year but in the meantime, we needed to see the committment out for that season.
And just so you don't think I was some atypical girl that was only attracted to good guys, I have one more memory that is yet another example of how thoughtful Kyle is, but at the time it actually made him less attractive in my eyes. Why is it that girls are attracted to the 'bad boys' yet it is the good guys that are the much better ones for the long haul of life? At the time, Kyle and I were still just friends but I knew he liked me. He had asked me to go to a bbq dinner/fundraiser that ADII was having one night. It was pouring buckets and buckets of rain that evening. Once we were in the car, he mentioned that he had stopped to buy an umbrella for us on his way over to pick me up so that we wouldn't get quite as wet. Now if anything, that should have shown me about how great he was to be thoughtful, prepared and to think ahead. But I remember at the time being annoyed that he was just so darn thoughtful and prepared and thought ahead.
So I guess the bottom line of this is that you can look at past behavior to see what the future holds, but you need God to take the lead because sometimes girls will just be stupid girls and not appreciate the qualities that make a wonderful husband.
My sister believes that when you are fighting a cold you should wear a hat to help you heal. I was so sick I decided to throw on a scarf too just for good measure. Between the black hat and scarf, combined with my gray pajamas over my pregnant belly I really did look like Frosty the Snowman.
Throughout all of this, Kyle has been an absolute saint in taking care of me. For the past six days I have only been out of the house twice and both times were to go to the doctor. For the rest of the time I was either on the couch or in bed. Monday and Tuesday it hurt so much to talk that I was actually just snapping, clapping, and miming to get his attention and explain what I needed. During those few times I was thinking clearly I thought about how much he was fulfilling all of our marriage vows. I think when most people say their vows they mean what they are saying, but they don't actually know what they meaning. And of course I don't think you really understand what the vows mean until you are in a tough situation. Kyle and I have only been married four and half years so I have a feeling we have yet to experience the true meaning of each of them either. But in the last few days I got a glimpse of Kyle's fulfillment of some them and I feel confident in our future!
To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.
I look back and often wonder how I was so lucky to make such a great decision to marry Kyle. I have my parents to thank for raising me to make good decisions, but I also know that love blinds a lot of people. In all honesty, the permanence and longevity of chosing a spouse still overwhelms me, even when I know my decision has already been made! However, I do think past behavior is a very good indicator and it often seems that if people had just looked more closely at their spouses behavior patterns then they might have seen the writing on the wall.
My mom always said "Date lots of people and then marry your best friend." I knew she had good advice but all through college I kept looking at my guy friends and thinking, "Would I ever want to marry him? No." It wasn't until I was distracted by lots of other stuff that I finally forgot to stop looking at my guy friends and lo and behold then Kyle and I became best friends. We spent a year just being good friends and during that time there were lots of situations where I got to see the real Kyle. Although I wasn't thinking it at the time, in hindsight, I was seeing the exact same wonderful traits he has brought into our marriage and why he is such a wonderful husband.
--I think of when the Arch Society group was hanging out at Palmer's mountain house. Everyone else was in the den goofing off and I came into the kitchen to find Kyle doing the dishes just because they needed to be done.
--After that same retreat everyone else headed home and Kyle stayed behind with me to clean out the vans so I wouldn't be left to do it myself and he wanted to make sure we returned them back the way we found them.
--Kyle was the chairman of the Arch Society. The chairman of the previous year had committed the group to several very unpopular assignments that took place during the football games. Kyle bore the brunt of people's unhappiness, even though it hadn't been his decision. I still remember sitting at Gyro Wrap on Broad Street when he explained to me that the group had made a committment and although everyone hated the assignments, we couldn't quit in the middle of the season. We needed to re-evaluate for the next year but in the meantime, we needed to see the committment out for that season.
And just so you don't think I was some atypical girl that was only attracted to good guys, I have one more memory that is yet another example of how thoughtful Kyle is, but at the time it actually made him less attractive in my eyes. Why is it that girls are attracted to the 'bad boys' yet it is the good guys that are the much better ones for the long haul of life? At the time, Kyle and I were still just friends but I knew he liked me. He had asked me to go to a bbq dinner/fundraiser that ADII was having one night. It was pouring buckets and buckets of rain that evening. Once we were in the car, he mentioned that he had stopped to buy an umbrella for us on his way over to pick me up so that we wouldn't get quite as wet. Now if anything, that should have shown me about how great he was to be thoughtful, prepared and to think ahead. But I remember at the time being annoyed that he was just so darn thoughtful and prepared and thought ahead.
So I guess the bottom line of this is that you can look at past behavior to see what the future holds, but you need God to take the lead because sometimes girls will just be stupid girls and not appreciate the qualities that make a wonderful husband.
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