Recently Kyle and I were discussing what one thing we each feel has dictated our lives here in Belgium the most. Kyle chose the weather but for me it has been the language barrier. It makes sense why we each chose what we did -- Kyle is in an English speaking office all day so the little bit of time he is outside it always seems to be rainy and cold. In the winter he leaves for work when it is dark and gets home when it is dark. I can arrange my day to be outside any time it is not raining or even if the sun is out for just a bit. However, since I am not in an office all day I am also out in the French speaking community much more than Kyle ever is.

Yes, we both agree that we could have done more to further our French. And of all cities, Brussels is very easy to get around in English, so we really shouldn't be complaining. But the one reason I will be glad to move from here is to go back to a place where everyone speaks English. I can't describe how frustrating it is to never quite get what is going on. Even if someone is speaking English, it is not their first language so you are always doing a bit of mental gymnastics to try and figure out their meaning (for example someone was recently telling me about "the big burn" -- she was talking about a fire).

I keep a journal from each of our trips and was recently looking back through it. Whenever I am in the UK or USA I end up writing something like, "Until I am in an English speaking place and I can finally feel my shoulders relax just a bit, I never realize the quiet fear and undercurrent of stress I have every day in Brussels that something will happen in French and I won't be able to figure it out."

Today is a perfect example of this. I went to a coffee shop (ironically enough to study my French) and I couldn't understand what the waiter was saying about my order. Since it was just a cappuccino I figured whatever he was saying coudn't be that disasterous so I just said ok. The coffee turned out fine, but when you can't understand what someone is saying to you, you just feel completely at their mercy. To top it off, I returned to our car to find a ticket on it. Because of a few different aspects of the situation, Kyle and I really want to fight the ticket. However, we obviously don't know enough French to fight it, so I am sure we will just end up paying the ticket.

The good part about not being able to communicate it that it has made us very laid back and easy going -- we accept whatever is given to us and never argue or complain about it. But the down side is that we each feel completely trapped in our minds and not able to share any thoughts or ideas with others. Never underestimate the power and freedom that being able to express yourself brings.

”The limits of my language means the limits of my world.” --Ludwig Wittgenstein