Let me let go

Awhile ago I was flipping through a book about being an expat. It said that studies have shown that the most successful/happiest expat has two main qualities -- they are not goal oriented/have a low need for success and they have a good sense of humor. I couldn't help but laugh at this because I think of myself as a pretty 'successful' expat which I guess means that I am happy being a slacker!

I was told early on by many other 'successful' expats that the key to enjoying life here is to be happy and satisfied with the little accomplishments. In the beginning, if I just went to the grocery store and that was all I did for the day, then I had accomplished something. I know that to most people that sounds crazy, but when you experience just how stressful it is to shop and bag your groceries in a foreign country then it all makes sense.

In our time here I have also had to learn how to let go of everything. Every single day I see something that doesn't make sense (a goat in the metro, a bus not going on its regular route, traffic stopped for no reason, a homeless guy directing cars where to park in a parking lot). The only way to not go crazy here is to just shrug your shoulders, roll your eyes, shake your head and let out a little chuckle. Trying to make sense of it will just leave you even more frustrated.

I say all of this because I am finding myself having to rely on so many of the qualities I learned in our first year here as I prepare for the baby. At least once a day I start to get really stressed about what I haven't done in preparation for the baby, all the things that could go wrong in the delivery, all the things that could go wrong with me trying to speak French in the hospital for five days and so, so many other things. The only thing I can do is remember how out of control I felt our first year here (and still do, but not quite as often). And yet, we have survived. I take a deep breath and try to let myself accept the fact that I have no control over anything. You know how they say when your car is hydroplaning that you should not slam on the brakes or jerk the wheel, but instead you should just take your foot off the gas and just go with it? That is the mentality I am trying to now channel.

I keep getting asked my decisions about various baby topics (having an epidural, breastfeeding) and people look at me a little funny when I say, "I don't know, we'll just have to see how it goes." But I have learned over time that the surest way for something to go awry is to decide which way you want it to happen. I love the phrase, "If you want to make God laugh, make a plan." Every day I try to remind myself about letting go and accepting the fact that I am not in control.

Two people that are in the back of my mind as I think these things are my grandmother Moa and my friend Gail. Moa is the most easy going person I have ever come across in my life. She is happy to do anything and is always willing to go with the flow. And because of that everyone always wants to be around her. Especially recently, I have tried to channel her mentality into my daily life as well as my friend Gail's attitude. One day I was asking Gail if she got stressed having to entertain her husband's co-workers. She looked at me and said, "You know what Emily? Before, I would have been beside myself trying to get it all done, but then I got breast cancer. And after that I have just realized that life is too short to stress about things."

So if I seem a little 'zen-ed' out in the coming months, I guess my purposeful letting go is working, or perhaps I am just so sleep deprived I don't care anymore!