I have not been as much traveling this week, but it has been nice nonetheless. The highlight was Kyle's article appearing in both the U.S. and European editions of The Wall Street Journal on Friday. What a treat to get to have your morning coffee while reading an article your husband wrote in the WSJ!
I have come to an interesting problem that I am sure not too many Americans encounter because they stay so busy with work and carpool or Nintendo and TV. Now that we have an apartment and are settled with the internet, phone, etc., I don't have as much to do during the day. However, our cable is still not set up, so I do not have TV to entertain me (which I still think might be a good thing.)
I keep myself busy with friends, but there is still a lot of free time in the day. A friend had a perfect description of it: When you are working or have something major going on in your life, time that is not scheduled is free time, which is good and healthy. However, when you do not have anything big going on in your life, your free time turns into idle time, which is not healthy.
Being a woman (and especially one that thinks and analyzes too much to being with), I find that too much idle time just leaves me too deep in thought to be healthy. I end up analyzing every aspect of the world. It is odd how you can try and be as thankful and positive as you want, but after awhile, it is much easier to think of bad things rather than good ones.
I spent four hours outside today because the sun was finally out. As I sat around this beautiful pond with ducks and greenery all around, there was only so long that I could say, "I am so lucky. I love life. This is great." After awhile, I thought, "Why are those kids who only look 13 smoking? Why can't I understand one word any person around me is saying? As great as this wind is, I am sick of my hair blowing everywhere. Oh crap, the sun moved behind the trees and now I am freezing. I have to go to the bathroom, but (because we are in Europe) there are none around."
I got up to head home, mad at myself that I was thinking a bad thought when I am so lucky. On the way home, I passed a large roundabout that has restaurants on all sides. Anywhere there was sun, there was a table with chairs filled with people laughing, talking and having an afternoon beer. It looked like such fun, I decided to join them. The only empty place was sharing a table with a guy from Sweden. It turns out he was waiting for his girlfriend to leave work, and I was waiting for Kyle to get out too. We shared a beer and I learned all about Sweden, while he learned my thoughts on why Americans are obese (he asked) and how Kyle and I met. We went our separate ways, but just this chance encounter really helped to brighten my day.
So all of this to say: everything in moderation. You shouldn't work too hard, but you also should not have too much free time. You don't have to always think positive, but don't dwell on the negative. You shouldn't constantly be around people so that you don't have any time to think about things on your own, but you also should not have too much alone time to just dwell on life.
Another aspect of having too much free time is guilt. You know all of the things you say you will do, if you "just had the time." Well, when you don't work and you are living in a foreign country with a handful of friends, you do have the time, and let me tell you, you still don't want to do those things.
I always said I would exercise more, try meditating, pray more, write more letters, clean out my e-mails, make photo albums, just plain organize my life. All I have basically done is feel guilt about everything I haven't done, and then take a nap to make myself feel better. I have finally figured out that if you put something off then you might as well just accept the fact that you don't want to do it. Because if you did want to do it, you would make the time. We make the time for things we want to do in life and we make excuses for the things we don't want to do. Even though I have come to this realization, I don't know if I will ever be as bold as I would hope and just be able to say, "You know what? I just don't want to do that and I will never want to do that, and I am going to admit from the beginning that I don't want to do that and not just put it off." I guess if I ever say something like that to one of y'all, then you know I will have come to an acceptance of this topic!
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