'Tis the Season

It is that time of year again. The time when our lives become scheduled around football games and SportsCenter. I think Kyle should count his lucky stars that I was born in the South and have a slight understanding of just how important football is to him. If I happened to be from anywhere other than the South then I might think he was crazy for being this obsessed. I count my lucky stars that he only likes football and not hunting or fishing because then I would never see him on weekends in the fall. Thus far, football started on Saturday and he has already gotten up on two different nights at at 1:30 and 3:30am to do his Fantasy Football draft. When UGA has a evening game he won't be able to start watching it until at least midnight our time which means he will be up into the wee hours of the morning cheering on the Bulldogs. Let the craziness begin...

The two places where I can find Kyle every Saturday for the next four months.

Instructions for Females in a Relationship with Men That Love Football

These will become effective Thursday Aug 28. Extremely important recommendations for wives, girlfriends, fiancées, mothers, sisters and daughters.

1. From the first weekend in September until the end of the bowl season, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions.

2. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting me a beer, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.

3. During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you understand who I'm yelling at during the season. As a tip, check the box scores for the referees' names too.

4. During the games I will be drunk as CooterBrown. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, kill any spiders, answer the phone, etc. It ain't gonna happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12 am and6 am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time."

7. If a great play occurs while you are in the room, you may be required to freeze or repeat your act for the rest of the game as good mojo. If my team wins, you will be showered with gifts for the next 6 days. If they lose, you will be blamed repeatedly for moving, blinking or secretly not believing in your heart of the power of mojo.

8. Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the Coors Light bottles reach "Code Blue".

9. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. College Gameday and the highlights on Saturday night are just as important as the games themselves. Even if I curse Lou, Herbie, and Corso like the anti-SEC, biased dogs that they are, I still want to hear what they say.

10. And finally, please save your expressions such as:"Thank God the football season is only during the Fall." I am immune to these words, because after this comes the NFL playoffs, the Pro Bowl, AFL, AFL2, the CFL, and the replays on the college sports channels.