Just the right words

Before I was pregnant I never had any clue of what to say to a pregnant person. I still don't think I have much of a clue, but I can at least share my thoughts on the worst things to say...

Worst things to say to a pregnant person:

• "You just bigger every time I see you!" "You look like you could have that baby any day now!" "Wow, now you really have a bump!" or any other comment about a woman's size. Pretend you are Southern and just lie straight through your teeth. No matter what size the woman is, she already feels extremely big so the kindest thing you can do is just tell her that she looks tiny, hasn't put on weight anywhere else and just keep going on and on about how great she looks.
• "You shouldn't be eating/drinking that." I am amazed at how people just tell you what they think you should or should not be doing when you never even asked their opinion. I don't go up to a fat person at McDonald's and tell them that they shouldn't be eating there. And yet, being a pregnant woman seems to be a free for all for people to tell you what they think.
• "How are you feeling?" I am torn about this one because of course I understand that people are only asking this out of kind concern. However, when you are asked this by every single person you see, every single day for six months, it gets a little old. There are a few different situations that dictate my answer:
  -- A man asks. I figure he really doesn't want the details so I just say I feel fine.
  --A woman who has never been pregnant asks. I don't think anyone who has not been pregnant really wants to hear the gory details or should be subjected to them, so I usually just tell them that I feel fine too. (I made the mistake one time of showing a 23 year old how my stomach moves when the baby kicks. The look of absolute disgust on her face was burned into my mind enough that I keep the details to myself now.)
  -- A woman who has had children asks. Usually I am most honest with this group, however I still watch my response depending on who asks. Some people are really sympathetic while others respond with any and every story to top whatever ailment I might be experiencing.
• "Have you had the baby yet?" I am just now staring to get this question but already it is one of my least favorite. Again, I know people are only concerned, but it is such a silly question when you really think about it. Trust me, there is no one out there that has more of a count down going on in her mind than a woman who is nine months pregnant. With every breath she takes and every move she makes, she is thinking about the baby and the delivery so you asking her is only adding to the pressure. And if you are talking to her on the phone or seeing her in person and she doesn't mention in the first one minute about the baby, then obviously she has not had it yet

So there is my list. I feel ungrateful complaining about these things because I know people just want to show an interest in the pregnancy. But a lot of my friends are pregnant right now and they all complain about the same comments so I thought this might serve as a bit of a public service announcement for all of us expectant ("how could you be expecting, you look so tiny!") mothers out there.